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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29383419">You, Me, The Universe, &amp; Everything In-Between</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikiAlex03/pseuds/NikiAlex03'>NikiAlex03</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - All Media Types, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Soulmates, F/M, Flashbacks, Friends to Strangers/Enemies (but not really) to Lovers, Getting Back Together, M/M, Mutual Pining, Simon Lewis &amp; Alec Lightwood Friendship, Smut, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, The Lightwood Siblings Get Themselves Involved In Each Other's Love Lives, Valentine's Day, references to pop culture</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 07:21:56</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Explicit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>16</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,517</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29383419</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/NikiAlex03/pseuds/NikiAlex03</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Alec whispers a silent wish up to the universe, and he hopes against all hope that someone out there hears him..."</p><p>It's been two years since Alec and Magnus ended their relationship before it could even really begin, due to Alec's inability to go against his parent's plan of having a decidedly heterosexual son and Magnus' refusal to stick around while Alec tortured himself by doing what they want.</p><p>Alec doesn't resent Magnus for it. Not really. What he does resent, is the Universe deciding to make them Soulmates and keeping them (literally) bound to each other for the next twenty four hours.</p><p>Because Alec has spent the last two years convincing himself that this could never happen, and now that it has, he needs to find the will to spend the next twenty four hours convincing himself that he'll be okay doing nothing about it.</p><p>Because this -a relationship between him and Magnus- can't happen. </p><p>Not even if the Universe itself has decided that it should.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Clary Fray/Jace Wayland, Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood, Simon Lewis/Isabelle Lightwood</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>44</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>124</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. One</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/Malecfics/gifts">Malecfics</a>, <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/acidwashedjeanz/gifts">acidwashedjeanz</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>This is gifted to two of the best people I've met since joining this fandom. My Valentine's gift for being generally awesome and for indulging my growing obsession of all things TSC related &lt;333</p><p>And as always, I absolutely adore every single person who takes time to read any of my writing. Y'all are amazing.<br/>I'm uploading all sixteen chapters of this at once, so there won't be any individual chapter notes/summaries stuff like that. Feel free to comment on the individual chapters as well though :)<br/>Happy Valentine's Day! I hope you enjoy this &lt;3.</p><p>And I'm @nerdesqque on twitter, if you wanna stop by!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alec thinks that the visceral rage Valentine’s Day ignites in him is actually quite the cause for concern, but it’s not as though that rage is entirely unfounded. Anyone would be upset, Alec tells himself, if they too had to stand in the middle of a brightly red-and-pink decorated auditorium at 7am on a Monday morning in the ridiculously long line for a Matchmaker booth, of all things.</p><p><em> Find Your Soulmate! </em> The banner (also red and pink; Alec doesn’t think there has ever been a worse color combination) reads. He can’t believe people are actually dumb enough to do something like this, and realizing that his position in the line makes it seem as though he is one of them, Alec stands just a little bit apart with his hands stuffed into his pockets and his signature scowl plastered on his face, trying to make it as clear as possible to anyone who might glance their way that this isn’t the case. </p><p>He’s actually here, Alec would say to anyone who dared actually ask despite his attempt at appearing as unapproachable as possible, for his best friend Simon. Simon holds his own spot in the line, and Alec is only here ensuring that he actually goes because if he knows Simon –which he does- if he had been sent alone, he would have found some reason not to do it and Alec’s entire plan would have been ruined before it had even begun. </p><p>Of course, a large part of Alec’s plan also hinges on his sister Izzy also signing up for the Matchmaker booth today. But Alec knows his little sister, and he knows that the moment she finally manages to drag herself out of the door in about an hour, the first thing she’s going to do upon arriving at their school is putting her name down all on her own. Izzy had taken no more cajoling into this than Alec simply asking “So you’re doing the Matchmaker thing this year, right?” And smiling at Izzy’s enthusiastic affirmative response. </p><p>He doesn’t know if Izzy and Simon are aware that they’re both going to be putting their names down, but that won’t matter in a couple of hours anyway.</p><p>“Are you <em> sure </em> <em>-”</em> Simon begins.</p><p>Alec musters up a reassuring smile, “Absolutely.”</p><p>But Simon shakes his head, and Alec is preparing to give him one of his many pre-prepared speeches about <em> taking chances </em> and <em> the possibility of finding love </em> and all the drivel he’d stolen from the advertisements on their school’s website, when Simon says:</p><p>“I was going to ask, are you sure that you don’t want to sign up as well?”</p><p>Alec tries not to give any physical reaction that shows the way that the mere suggestion of that revolts him. He <em> is </em> trying to get Simon to think that this is a good idea, after all.</p><p>“Yes.” Alec says quickly, “I’m sure. I’m not exactly the Matchmaker booth type.”</p><p>Simon arches a brow, “What is the Matchmaker booth type?”</p><p>Alec eyes the table and then the other students waiting to sign up, and shrugs, “The hopeless romantic type that believes in Soulmates.” </p><p>Simon rolls his eyes, “It is just a rip-off of the real thing.”</p><p>Alec snorts, “Yeah. But to be fair, it’s probably the closest most of the people in this town is going to get to finding their literal <em> Soulmate </em>.”</p><p>Alec knows he has made a mistake the moment the words leave his mouth and Simon gives a short laugh that doesn’t quite meet his eyes, and he quickly backtracks. “I mean… of course, that isn’t true for everyone. Look at Clary and Jace. Maybe <em> you </em> will find your Soulmate here too.” Alec says quickly, “You never know.”</p><p>But Simon waves him off, and Alec sees that the acceptance of his assumed fate has already set into place, “It doesn’t matter. Soulmate bonds are rare, anyway. You’re right. The chance of someone here finding an actual Soulmate of the billions of people in the world is ridiculously low. Clary and Jace just got lucky, I guess.”</p><p>But Simon isn’t meeting his eyes anymore and Alec knows that he has sent his best friend down an unintended spiral of thinking that there’s no way his soulmate could be here, which is fucking terrible because it was Alec’s entire selling point for getting him to sign up today. Granted, it’s probably true. The population of their suburban neighborhood of Alicante isn’t exactly huge and, really, what are the odds someone's Soulmate grew up in the same neighborhood as them? But he doesn’t need Simon being as pessimistic as he is; not right now.</p><p>“This is stupid.” Simon says, making as if to step out of the line, “We should just-”</p><p>“No! No, no, Simon. You absolutely should sign up for this. Look, ignore what I said. Maybe you won’t find your Soulmate, but I’m sure there’s someone here that was meant for you.” </p><p>Simon glances back at the table. They are next in line now, and Alec just needs him to hang on for like two minutes. </p><p>“Why do you care so much about my love life all of a sudden?” Simon asks suspiciously, “You never have before.”</p><p>“That isn’t true.” Alec insists, knowing that it probably definitely is, “I care.”</p><p>“Riiight.” </p><p>“Look- I want this for you. I want you to be happy.” Alec says, “And you <em> are </em> the hopeless romantic type that believes in Soulmates, exactly the market for this kind of thing. So just-”</p><p>“Next!”</p><p>It’s their turn, and Alec turns to the table almost giddily. His plan is coming to fruition.</p><p>“Sign your name.” He encourages Simon, pushing him ahead, “Just trust me. This is a good idea.”</p><p>Simon goes, though he clearly has more concerns he wishes to voice and that Alec will undoubtedly have to hear about when he’s done; but that’s okay, as long as he gets his name down onto the stupid pink piece of a paper. As Simon fills out his form, Alec looks around for his next target and slams to a halt. Oh. Right. This serves as a hitch in his plan.</p><p>Magnus Bane, who seemingly has the unenviable task of organizing the potential Soulmates, has the tip of a pen in his mouth and is chewing on it absentmindedly as he draws long fingers over the stack of papers, scanning each one. Alec remembers well, as he does everything else about Magnus, this habit of his. He had always found it endearing. Alec has not spoken to Magnus Bane in almost two years, since the end of their Sophomore year- not a proper conversation anyway. Magnus has kept his distance out of either respect or resentment for Alec’s wishes, and Alec has never had the courage to confront him about it, instead choosing to do the same.</p><p>He looks behind him to ensure that Simon is still occupied, which he is. Simon seems to be putting careful consideration into each one of his answers on the application and asking Catarina -Magnus’ friend, Alec knows- probably inane questions about the entire process. But his hands are still near the top, so Alec thinks he has some time. This is fine. This is for the greater good. Magnus has probably forgotten all about Alec. Taking a steadying breath, Alec approaches Magnus tentatively. There are streaks of pink running through his hair, to match the color that adorns his nails today. Alec pushes aside his wandering thoughts and wraps his knuckles against the table to get Magnus’ attention, “Hi.”</p><p>Magnus doesn’t seem to immediately recognize him, and Alec tells himself that he has no reason to be upset about that. Magnus doesn't raise his head, instead sighing heavily and pointing his pen towards the sign-up table with a dismissive wave, “Sign up is over there, and, before you ask, I’m not rigging the results for you.”</p><p>The words -probably the most Magnus has said to Alec all at once in two years- reignites something deep within him that he has spent all that time trying to ignore.</p><p>“Would $20 dollars change that?” Alec asks, shaking himself out of it. He's not doing this today. Certainly not now. Magnus pauses, and the pen drops from between his teeth as he slowly looks up towards the sound of the voice above him.</p><p>When he sees Alec, he -unsurprisingly- appears shocked.</p><p><em>“Alec?" </em>He asks, straightening his posture. And then, as if to confirm to himself, <em>“Lightwood?"</em></p><p>“It’s not for me.” Alec says hastily, “It’s for<em> him."</em> </p><p>He points at Simon, and he sees the understanding dawn over Magnus. When he turns back to Alec, however, he doesn’t look any more convinced of doing what Alec wants.</p><p>“I still can’t rig the results.” Magnus says, but this time he actually sounds a bit apologetic about it. </p><p>“$40 dollars.” Alec says instantly. He came very prepared. </p><p>Magnus’ brows shoot up, “You’re very committed to this.” </p><p>“It’s for a good cause.” </p><p>“Which is…?”</p><p>Alec realizes that this isn't going to be as simple as he'd thought and hoped, and he's running out of time before Simon finishes up.</p><p>“Getting Izzy and Simon to stop interrogating me about my love life.” He says.</p><p>“I’m not seeing the connection here.” Magnus says, leaning back in his chair.</p><p>Alec casts a glance back at Simon and explains as quickly as he can, “She and Simon have been stupidly in love with each other for years, but they both refuse to admit it. So, maybe, if they end up spending an entire day together because of this thing, they’ll finally realize it and leave me alone." </p><p>Magnus frowns, tapping his pen rhythmically against the desk, "Are they really so overbearing that you’re willing to drop $40 to get it to stop?"</p><p>Yes, Alec thinks, incredibly. </p><p>"They mean well." Is what he tells Magnus. Because he knows his sister and best friend, and he knows that they do, but that doesn’t make it any less annoying to deal with constantly.</p><p>Magnus sighs, "Alec-"</p><p>"$50."</p><p><em> "How much money do you have?" </em> Magnus demands incredulously.</p><p>"A lot." </p><p>Truthfully, Alec only has the $50 on hand, but Magnus scowls at him, Alec knows before he has even said anything else that the temptation has won out and he's won this particular battle. </p><p>"Money first." Magnus says skeptically, extending a perfectly manicured hand that Alec definitely does not stare at, "And then we'll see."</p><p>Alec quickly slips the $50 out of his wallet, handing it over to Magnus just in time for Simon to come bouncing over to him, a wide grin on his face that wavers just a bit when he sees Magnus, "What're you doing here?" </p><p>Simon knows some -though not the full extent- of Alec and Magnus’ history, and Alec prays that just this once, Simon will ignore whatever little voice inside of his head has a tendency to blurt out the absolute worst things at the absolute worst times. </p><p>"Just chatting." Alec says quickly. He shoots one last glance at Magnus, who had slipped the money under a notebook and out of Simon's sight. Alec raises a brow.</p><p>"See you around?" He asks pointedly. </p><p>Magnus regards him with a look that tells Alec he has many other things he would like to say. Finally, he acquiesces with a curt nod.</p><p>"See you around, Alec."</p><p>Alec grabs Simon's elbow and steers him away, pushing all thoughts of Magnus Bane out of his head and hoping that Simon will do the same.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. August, Sophomore Year</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Guys!” Jace is yelling. Alec hears the sound of doors behind slammed open and footsteps rapidly running towards them, and he warily drags his eyes up from the book he is reading to snap at his brother. He frowns when he notices Clary behind him, though he really should be used to her by now. Jace has been seeing her for about three months. </p><p>“We have an announcement.” Jace declares. He’s smiling- no, <em> grinning. </em>All wide and happily, and it’s such an unusual sight on him that Alec actually finds himself curious about whatever it is he’s about to say, though he has no doubt it will only be something stupid that somehow relates to the redhead. Izzy rolls her eyes, but obediently lowers the volume on the T.V when she is asked to. Alec turns as his mother walks into the room, probably having heard the commotion from Jace. </p><p>“What’s the meaning of all this noise?” She asks impatiently. It’s late in the evening but she’s still dressed in her work clothes, her always present earpiece attached to her ear. Alec wonders why she even bothers to come home if she’s just going to work the entire time, anyway. It’s been years since their dad stopped.</p><p>“We have an announcement.” Jace repeats, sounding positively giddy. He looks down at Clary, who gazes back at him adoringly, “And I know it’s late but then we have to leave, because we also have to tell Clary’s parents. And then-”</p><p>“Are you going to actually tell us what this announcement is, Jonathan?” Maryse snaps. Alec flinches at the sound of Jace’s full name, but Jace doesn’t even budge. Alec’s not entirely sure he even heard her speak, locked as his gaze is on Clary’s. Maryse looks like she’s about to say something again, but the next words out of Clary’s mouth render her speechless. </p><p>“We’re <em> Soulmates."</em> Clary says. </p><p>The room falls silent. Jace is the first to move, his eyes narrowing, “Didn’t you hear us?” He asks, eyes blazing with indignation, “We’re <em> Soulmates."</em></p><p>He raises his hand, and Alec looks hard despite knowing that even if it were true, which it most definitely isn’t, there wouldn’t be anything there for him to see. Soulmate bonds could only be seen by the persons they were between, but people didn’t often lie about having one. Izzy snickers, “Did you really make me stop watching my movie for <em> this? </em>”</p><p>“What’s wrong with you guys?” Jace demands. He steps forward as though to shield Clary from their view, as though he’s trying to protect her from what he considers an inappropriate reaction to their story.</p><p>“Jonathon.” Maryse sighs, “Clarissa. Something like this is not to be taken lightly, certainly not to be joked about in this way. And I’m busy, this client I’m dealing with has a million demands, now really isn’t the time for-”</p><p>“But we<em> are </em> Soulmates.” Jace insists, “We’re not lying.” Alec likes to think that he knows and understands his siblings. He’s perceptive, always has been. And with Jace in particular, he’d always felt like he understood him better than most people. </p><p>“Yeah, right.” Izzy mutters. She rolls her eyes and picks up her remote again. Alec stares at Jace and Clary, and he knows that they aren’t lying.</p><p>“You’re telling the truth, aren’t you?” He whispers. He sounds horrified, and perhaps he is, “You’re really Soulmates?” </p><p>Jace turns to Alec, and he looks the most happy he has ever been to see him.</p><p><em>“Yes." </em>He breathes in relief. He looks back up at Maryse, and then to Izzy. Finally, his gaze falls to Clary again, reaching down to brush a tendril of loose hair out of her face. Alec sees it, in the way they look at each other. They have always been stupidly in love, but there is something there now that wasn’t before.</p><p>“Yes, we are.” Jace says.</p><p>He hears, rather than sees, Maryse’s sharp intake of breath. Izzy’s hand lowers from where the remote had been pointed at the T.V. </p><p>Clary and Jace are Soulmates.</p><p>“Oh my god.” </p><p>Alec doesn’t know whether it was his mother or sister who said it. He feels as though the ground has fallen out from underneath him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Three</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alec glares down at the piece of paper he is scratching his pen across as Clary runs over to their table in the School courtyard, making a beeline for Jace and garnering their small group all of the attention that Alec doesn't want as she jumps into his awaiting arms. To his side, Izzy fawns over the display and stares longingly at the bundle of roses that Clary receives and clings to her chest. They kiss, a slightly too inappropriate kiss for a school courtyard, and Alec stabs at the corner of his notebook as irritation simmers barely beneath his surface.</p>
<p>Clary and Jace are Soulmates. Not the fake, Matchmaker booth kind where they tied a six foot length of cheap string around the wrists of whichever poor souls had their names drawn together for the duration of the school day, sans the times when they were in separate classes. But the <em>real </em>kind. The bond could happen at any time, randomly and often unprompted. It had to happen before both parties turned 21, and Alec had been 15, almost 16, when Jace had run into their living room with Clary right behind him, and announced that they were Soulmates. He still remembers every detail, and it still cuts at something inside of him to think of it.</p>
<p><em>Real Soulmates </em>. </p>
<p>He looks at Clary and Jace and he thinks that it isn't fair. He wants that too. And it isn’t fair that he knows that he won’t, that he <em>can’t. </em>Alec catches himself and dispels the thought before it has any real room to grow. As rare as they were, lots of people lived long, full lives without a Soulmate. Alec would simply be one of them, and he would be fine. He has to be fine.</p>
<p>It would do no one any good to dwell on the impossible.</p>
<p>"You both are so cute together." Izzy says to Clary as she and Jace finally sit down, "I'm in love with your relationship."</p>
<p>Izzy does not look in Simon’s direction to see the way that Simon is staring right at <em>her,</em> and Alec rolls his eyes. He nudges his best friend on his shoulder and Simon, caught out, flushes and looks away. <em>Ridiculous. All of them. </em></p>
<p>Clary leans into Jace with a contented sigh, "Thank you, Izzy."</p>
<p>It's absolutely ridiculous the way that Clary and Jace never seemed to move out of the honeymoon stage of their relationship. They're just as sickeningly in love now as they have always been. Alec knows he's being bitter, and he doesn't really care enough to try not to be. </p>
<p>"You'll find your person." Clary is saying to Izzy, "They're out there somewhere."</p>
<p>Alec doesn't hear what Izzy's response is because he snatches his bag up from the ground, shoves the notebook into it, and abruptly pushes himself to his feet, "I'm gonna go."</p>
<p>Simon stands with him, "What? Where?"</p>
<p>Alec waves a hand in the general area around them and avoids looking at him, muttering the first thing that comes to mind, “Coffee. Don’t worry about me.”</p>
<p>But Simon, prone to worry about anything and everything, follows after him anyway. Alec stiffens as he hears Jace calling after the pair of them, but scoffs for knowing there was no way Jace would leave Clary behind to follow him. </p>
<p>Soulmates were made to spend twenty-four hours together after their bond was first activated, but almost three years later and Clary and Jace were still attached at the hip at all times. Alec ignores all the other couples as he walks. He <em>hates </em>Valentine’s day; doesn’t want to think about all of these people being happy when he knows he will never have this himself.</p>
<p>“I can do coffee.” Simon says as he jogs to catch up to him, “I’m exhausted. Need the energy boost.”</p>
<p>“You wouldn’t be exhausted if you weren’t putting in all those extra hours at your job.” Alec points out. Ok. He can deal with Simon alone.</p>
<p>“I don’t really have a choice. Someone has to pay for Izzy’s Valentine Day gift. It’s a custom designed bracelet-”</p>
<p>“Love really does fuck with people’s head, does it?” </p>
<p>Simon huffs, and Alec takes pity on him and slows his pace to something Simon can actually keep up with. And then Simon immediately makes him regret it:</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” Simon asks. Alec ignores him, deciding very quickly that no, he doesn’t want to deal with just Simon either.</p>
<p>“Is this about Magnus?” Simon presses on. He’s going at twice his usual speed in an attempt to keep up with Alec’s significantly wider gait, and he slams to a stop as Alec does, jolting backwards. Simon regards him tentatively.</p>
<p>“It is about Magnus… isn’t it?” He asks.</p>
<p>There had been a time that Alec had hoped for a Soulmate; desperately wished for one. There’d been a time when he’d hoped he would find that Soulmate in the boy with warm brown eyes and soft black hair often adorned with streaks of color that Alec had spent too much time thinking of running his fingers through. </p>
<p>Magnus had been his first love. His <em>only </em>love, if he were to be honest with himself. But Alec couldn’t have him. Not the way he wanted him. And besides, Magnus wasn’t his Soulmate. The bond would have surely solidified by now if they were. He has never done well with love, and Soulmates are so incredibly rare. If anyone is deserving of a Soulmate, it isn't Alec, and he’s long since accepted that his Soulmate probably doesn’t even exist. Still, a small part of him thinks that it might be nice to have someone who was his, just as much as he was theirs. </p>
<p>And a small part of him wishes that that person could be Magnus. </p>
<p>“Just… leave it alone, Simon.” Alec says, his tone harsher than he had intended it to be but having the desired effect of Simon not following after him this time as he stalks off towards the building entrance.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Alec splashes water onto his face and states at his reflection in the mirror, blinking hard and then scrubbing at his eyes with the balls of his hands. </p>
<p>"Snap out of it." He orders himself, "We aren't doing this again."</p>
<p>But still, he can't. Magnus has been a permanent fixture in Alec's mind since the day he walked into his life, all glittery eyeshadow and impeccable fashion sense. Alec has never, and knows that he probably never will again, meet someone like Magnus. Someone who makes him <em>feel </em>the way that Magnus does just by virtue of being himself. </p>
<p>"Fuck." Alec swears under his breath. He dries his hands and storms out through the door of the washroom, stalking down the hallway and to the cafeteria. He's usually much better at ignoring Magnus than he is doing today. Alec blames the occasion, and all the insidious decorations and couples being <em>romantic, </em>and the stupid Matchmaker booth and Simon and Izzy forcing him to interact with Magnus after spending all this time ignoring him- <em>all of it. </em>Alec had spent the past two years determined not to think of such things, especially where they concerned Magnus, and all of this was just blowing right past that without a single care. He’d had enough.</p>
<p>Coffee, he thinks. He needs coffee. </p>
<p>Alec rounds the corner- and slams straight into someone coming towards him. “Fuck-” He swears, stepping back with his arms raised in the start of an apology. The words die on his tongue as his vision focuses on the person in front of him.</p>
<p>“Alec?” Magnus asks, “What are you-?”</p>
<p>“I was just walking.” Alec says quickly, glancing behind him as though a way out of this situation will appear from nowhere and save him. It doesn’t. </p>
<p>Magnus regards him with skepticism and pretends to smoothen non-existent lines down the front of his shirt, “Oh.” Could the situation be any more awkward? Alec wants to walk away, but he doesn’t want Magnus to think that he doesn’t want to talk to him. He tells himself that he shouldn’t even care, but he can’t shake the fact that <em>does.</em></p>
<p>“The Matchmaker results are about to be announced in the courtyard.” Magnus says, finally, after the tension has been stretched beyond limit, “You should go.” </p>
<p>Magnus notices his grimace with a slight quirk of his lips, “You <em>don’t </em>want to be around for the results of you meddling in your sister’s love life?”</p>
<p>“It’s not meddling-” </p>
<p>“Then what would you call it?”</p>
<p>Alec starts to respond and realizes he doesn’t have much of a rebuttal. After a beat, he ducks his head and mumbles, <em>“Guidance."</em></p>
<p>And yes, he does recognize the irony of this being something Izzy might have said to him.</p>
<p>Magnus laughs, “I’m only teasing, Alec.”</p>
<p>“I know.” Alec says, heat prickling at his face anyway, “Why aren’t you out there?”</p>
<p>“This is more Catarina’s thing than mine.” Magnus says, though there’s clearly more to the story. When Alec’s questioning look doesn’t let up, Magnus sighs. </p>
<p>“I mean, I did this last year. And it didn’t exactly turn out well. I think I’d prefer to sit this one out.” He says. </p>
<p>Right, Alec remembers, not for lack of trying not to. Magnus’ ex-girlfriend had never particularly been a delight to be around, and Alec had especially loathed every minute he’d been forced to spend knowing Magnus was with her. Not, he reminds himself with an internal kick, that he has any right to feel that way. </p>
<p>“Yeah.” Alec says, choosing to bypass that entire topic altogether, “This isn’t really my thing, either.”</p>
<p>The silence settles over them once again, and it is just on the edge of becoming too awkward to bear when Alec decides to accept this loss with <em>some </em>grace and just leave,  “I should go.”</p>
<p>Magnus appears startled at the abruptness of the statement, but he quickly recovers himself and that mask of indifference Alec had gotten used to seeing directed at him slips back into place.</p>
<p>“Okay.” Magnus says, but makes no move to let Alec go. </p>
<p>Alec wants to think that it’s not as hard as it is to step away from Magnus and actively move away from him- but it is. Almost as soon as he raises his foot to leave, he finds himself unable to go any further. It takes him a second to realize that it’s more than just <em>him </em>. Alec frowns, confused- it’s almost like he’s warring with his own body. Telling himself to leave but unable to get his body to actually do so. </p>
<p>And then the impossible happens, stealing Alec’s breath from the moment he looks down and notices the thin, glimmering tendril of blue that emerges around his wrist, wrapping around it in a firm knot. Alec stares at it, unable to comprehend a single thought outside of <em>What the fuck </em>. So many emotions rush through Alec all at once, a tidal wave of hope and fear and confusion and eagerness. He doesn’t believe it. Doesn’t <em>want </em>to believe it. Alec whispers a silent wish up to the universe, and he hopes against all hope that someone out there hears him. He does not think that it will happen, but when Alec raises his gaze to look- </p>
<p>Magnus is staring down at the cord that has twisted itself securely around his own hand, and Alec’s heart has just enough time to lurch violently in his chest before he feels that same insistent  pulling sensation he had before, almost dragging him closer to Magnus. </p>
<p>The pulling does not let up until they are standing right in front of each other, almost no space left between them. Alec looks  into Magnus’ eyes and without even needing to look at it, he knows that the Soulmate bond has been activated; that the cords around their wrists have now combined into one.</p>
<p>Alec feels dizzy, his head spinning. So many emotions rush through him all at once. He doesn't know which to focus on first.</p>
<p>They’re Soulmates.</p>
<p>He has a <em>Soulmate.</em></p>
<p>And it’s <em>Magnus.</em></p>
<p>Magnus, however, breaks eye contact and Alec watches as he raises his hand to examine, shakily, the cord that now binds them together. He inhales sharply and steps back from Alec, as far as he is now allowed to go.</p>
<p>“What-” Magnus begins in a hoarse whisper, still staring at his wrist as though he couldn’t make sense of it, “What the hell?”</p>
<p>Whatever moment Alec had been having, he is immediately snapped out of it. He is yanked almost cruelly back into the real world where, <em>fuck,</em> this couldn't be happening. </p>
<p>He knows that as much as he wants this, it will come to an end and, with it, whatever hopes he may have had for him and Magnus. Because Alec <em>can’t have this. </em>He’d always known that for both his own sake and especially for Magnus’ that he shouldn’t-</p>
<p>“This can’t happen.” Alec chokes out, “I mean, we don’t have to- and we already- there’s probably a way to fix-”</p>
<p>Magnus’ eyes snap up to his, and Alec stops talking.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Alec."</em>
</p>
<p>Alec feels as though someone is clawing at his heart with their bare hands, ripping him open from the inside. </p>
<p>“I don’t have any choice, Magnus. You know that.” He says, begging Magnus to understand. This can’t happen. Why had he wanted this? This is worse. This is so much worse. </p>
<p>Magnus stares at him for a long moment, and they may not have spoken much in the past two years but Alec <em>knows </em>Magnus, and he knows that look he is giving him- because it is the same one he had given him that last day they’d spent together. The one that tells Alec that there is a lot Magnus wants to say and is only barely refraining from doing so.</p>
<p>The opportunity is taken from him anyway when the sound of footsteps approaching in the otherwise empty hallway garners both of their attention. Fear grips Alec’s chest for a second before he remembers that no one else can see their Soulmate mark. He is nonetheless relieved to see that it is only Simon.</p>
<p>Simon pauses in the entryway and regards their close proximity with an apprehensive frown. Alec tries his very hardest not to move away as he instinctively thinks to do, knowing it will probably only serve to make him look even more suspicious in Simon’s eyes, and the last thing Alec wants to do right now is inspire a suspicion  from Simon, because Simon couldn’t be trusted not to rat him out to Izzy.</p>
<p>"Are the two of you, like, friends again?" Simon asks anyway, pointing, "This is the second time you’ve been alone talking and it’s only been one hour.”</p>
<p>“We’re not friends.” Both Alec and Magnus say at almost the exact same time. The cord feels tight around his wrist.</p>
<p>“What are you doing here, Si?” Alec asks, desperate to change the conversation before it spirals. </p>
<p>“I came to find you.” Simon tells him, seeming shocked as though this should have been obvious, “You seemed upset earlier. I wanted to check on you.”</p>
<p>“You were upset? What happened?” Magnus asks, his brows pulling down in a show of concern that Alec realizes had been purely automatic, for the way that Magnus quickly readjusts himself and his face to look as though he had said nothing at all. </p>
<p>Alec, two years out of experience with being on the receiving end of Magnus’ consideration, tries to hide the effect that it has on him, “I’m fine. Where’s Izzy?”</p>
<p>At the mention of Izzy’s name, Simon’s posture drops and Alec’s heart plummets. <em>Five minutes. </em>He thinks, breathing steadily. He’d left them alone for five minutes. </p>
<p>“What happened?” He asks, dreading the answer, “Did the Matchmaker results get announced?” </p>
<p>“Yeah.” Simon says, with a short self depreciative laugh, “Not that it matters. I matched with Izzy, but she wasn’t there. She’d left with Meliorn by the time I got back. Perpetual bad luck just seems to be my thing. Whatever.”</p>
<p>Alec runs a hand over his face and tries not to show his frustration, “Simon-”</p>
<p>But Simon continues his lamenting, “He got her balloons, and a gift card to some makeup store.” </p>
<p>“Meliorn has always had a… thing, for dear Isabelle.” Magnus inputs, and Alec wants to yell at something. Preferably Meliorn.</p>
<p>“Izzy probably doesn’t even notice me. Someone like Meliorn makes so much more sense. I’ll just cancel my gift and-”</p>
<p>“You got her something?” Magnus interrupts Simon’s rambling with a raised hand. Simon falters, scratching the back of his neck as he says, “It’s a bracelet.”</p>
<p>He cuts off whatever Magnus was about to respond with with a shake of his head, “But it’s nothing. It’s stupid. She probably doesn’t even remember what it… And anyway, It’s <em>Izzy. </em>She’s probably never even noticed me.”</p>
<p>“I’m sure that’s not true.” Magnus tells him. </p>
<p>Simon doesn’t seem convinced but he perks up fractionally, a hopeful shimmer in his eyes as he asks, “You think so?”</p>
<p>“I think,” Magnus says slowly, eyeing Alec as he does as though to confirm that he <em>should </em>be speaking, “That you should go find Isabelle, and tell her that the two of you have matched.”</p>
<p>“I should’ve picked her gift up yesterday after work. I meant to do it this morning, but Alec dragged me here at the crack of dawn and I-”</p>
<p>“We’ll go get it for you.” Magnus raises a hand to silence him.</p>
<p>“Really?” Simon asks, drawing himself to a stop. Alec thinks he might keep Magnus around if for no other reason than his ability to get Simon to stop rambling, “You’d do that?”</p>
<p>Magnus shrugs, “Sure. Where is it?”</p>
<p>Alec turns to look at him in an attempt to convey that no, they aren’t sure about skipping class, because Magnus has apparently forgotten their… situation; but Magnus is either ignoring him or doesn’t realize that this is something Alec would be opposed to. Simon gives Magnus the name of the store that Alec has never been to but has heard Simon talk about enough the past couple of weeks that it is ingrained into his memory anyway. Magnus seems to be familiar with it because he nods appreciatively.</p>
<p>Simon exclaims happily and pulls Magnus in for a hug, which inadvertently jerks on the cord and causes Alec to stumble enough that he has to reach out and grip Magnus’ arm to steady himself. Simon pulls away and stares at him, “Alec?”</p>
<p>“Sorry- fuck, sorry. I just-” Alec straightens, “I tripped.”</p>
<p>Simon looks down, and Alec is very aware that there is nothing on the ground for him to trip on. The bell chooses that moment to go off, and Alec has never been more grateful for it.</p>
<p>“I’ll cover for you if anyone asks. Say you got sick and went to the nurse's office or something.” Simon says. He grins at them, and then he’s turning on his heels to walk-run back out, “I need to go find Izzy before she goes to class!”</p>
<p>Alec watches him go with longing until Simon is out of sight, and then Magnus makes as if to move away as well. </p>
<p>Alec, remembering, glares at him, jerking on the cord to pull Magnus to a halt, “You can’t just make decisions like that for us.”</p>
<p>Magnus turns to him with a steely gaze, “You’ll be fine, Alec.” </p>
<p>“I can’t just skip school, Magnus.”</p>
<p>“Your permanent record is a myth, you know that right? There’s no perfect attendance and no one cares if you miss school one day, especially as a senior. I promise. I’ve done it tons of times.” </p>
<p>“Magnus-”</p>
<p>“I promise that your precious reputation will survive, Alexander.” Magnus says, and his sardonic tone grates at Alec’s nerves as he continues, “And besides, how do you suggest we deal with this-” He waves his hand, “While staying in school?”</p>
<p>Alec clenches his jaw in response. He knows that Magnus is right, but that doesn’t mean he’s about to admit it. </p>
<p>Magnus crosses his arms over his chest with a huff, “If we’re going to have to spend all day together, you can’t be so… uptight, the entire time.”</p>
<p>“I am not uptight.”</p>
<p>Magnus simply watches him, saying nothing, and Alec let’s himself consider their options, trying in vain to conjure up a way to avoid having to go along with Magnus’ plan and knowing that there isn’t any. They share some classes, sure, but there’s no way they could spend the entire day in school without raising any questions. </p>
<p>“Fine!” Alec relents, “Fine, whatever. We’ll skip.”</p>
<p>Alec hasn’t skipped school ever, but it’s not like he has much of a choice.</p>
<p>“Fine.” Magnus repeats, “Good.”</p>
<p>An uncomfortable silence has settled around them again, and Alec shifts on his feet as Magnus’ eyes flicker -almost inadvertently for the way he immediately pulls his gaze back up again- to the cord between them. In the midst of his frustration, Alec had almost forgotten it was there. He’s not sure if the jolt of his heart as he sees it again is a result of him being happy about the fact that it is, or devastated. </p>
<p>He thinks that, as most things regarding his feelings towards Magnus tend to be, it is both.</p>
<p>"We should go." Magnus says, his voice so soft it is barely above a whisper, “Before someone else comes looking for us.”</p>
<p>Alec swallows around the bitter taste in his mouth, staring helplessly at Magnus’ back, “Are we going to talk about this?”</p>
<p>“What’s there to talk about, Alec?” Magnus asks, raising his eyes to meet Alec’s, “You said it yourself- this can’t happen.”</p>
<p>Magnus is right, of course he is, Alec tells himself. But Alec doesn’t want to hurt him. That’s the last thing he ever wants to do. But he doesn’t know now any better than he had two years ago how to reconcile what he wants with what he has to do. But still, Alec wants to push the topic, for the way that Magnus is still looking at him. And something in Magnus’ expression tells Alec that he wants him to push, too. </p>
<p><em>I won’t force you to make a choice, </em>Magnus had said. </p>
<p><em>But I want you to, </em>Alec thinks back. </p>
<p>But no. </p>
<p>Alec doesn’t need a Soulmate bond to tell him that he’s gay, and he certainly doesn’t need it to confirm that he is in love with Magnus. But what does it matter? Alec has always known these things, and it doesn’t change anything now. It <em>can’t.</em></p>
<p>They’ve already had this fight and far it be it from Alec’s goal to ever have it again. He sighs, and his eyes fall to the cord again. How had this day gotten so far out of his control? Never in Alec’s wildest dreams would he have predicted <em>this. </em> </p>
<p>They’ve only scratched a few minutes off of the twenty-four hours they have to spend together, and it’s already looking as if it will be the longest day of Alec’s life.</p>
<p>Magnus starts walking towards the exit again, and this time Alec doesn’t resist being pulled after him.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. September, Sophomore Year</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alec gets assigned a locker neighbor.</p>
<p>He hadn’t had one before and he’d gotten used to it, and so it comes as a surprise to him when he sees someone standing next to the previously unused locker located next to his. </p>
<p>He thinks maybe he should introduce himself despite the fact that he’s never been very good at introductions or conversations in general. If Jace were here, he might have asked for advice. Jace has always been great at talking to people. But ever since he and Clary became Soulmates over the summer, Alec has hardly even seen his brother.</p>
<p>He’s in the process of weighing his options -he had come to his locker for a reason and class was going to begin soon- when his locker neighbor shifts just enough that Alec sees his <em>face </em>. </p>
<p>And fuck, he is <em>gorgeous </em>. </p>
<p>Alec stands rooted to the spot, staring, for several long moments before he realizes it might be slightly creepy to do so. Any thoughts he had had about introducing himself quickly fly out the window, though. Alec would surely only embarrass himself if he tried, and the last thing he wants to do is make a fool of himself in front of someone who looked like<em> that </em>. </p>
<p>“Damn.” A familiar voice says from besides him, “Who is <em>that? </em>”</p>
<p>Alec startles at being caught looking, though he is silently relieved to see that it is only Izzy.</p>
<p>He shrugs and makes an attempt at nonchalance which he is sure he fails spectacularly at. Izzy is nice enough that she doesn’t say anything.</p>
<p>“Well, he’s cute.” She says, as though Alec doesn’t have eyes and could not have possibly drawn to this conclusion on his own, “Go talk to him!” </p>
<p>Alec’s only blinks at her, wondering how she does not see the absurdity of the suggestion herself.</p>
<p>“Oh come on, Alec!” Izzy says, “<em> Look </em>at him.”</p>
<p>“Iz-”</p>
<p>“You can even tell yourself that you’re not totally attracted to him and you’re just doing it to be a friend, if it makes you feel any better.”</p>
<p>“<em> Izzy. </em>” Alec hisses. </p>
<p>Alec watches in silent horror as his sister flips her hair over her shoulder. Izzy has never been so brazen about mentioning her knowledge of her brother's sexuality before. It had always been a point of mutual understanding between them <em>not </em>to talk about it. Alec isn’t even sure how she ever found out to begin with.</p>
<p>“Well if you won’t do it, then I will.” Izzy says decidedly, “He’s too hot to just do nothing about it.”</p>
<p>“Iz-” Alec makes a grab at her, but Izzy expertly dodges it and leaves him standing there in silent horror as she sashays over to his new locker neighbor. He sees, rather than hears through the ringing in his ears, her say hello, and watches in panic as his locker neighbor turns with a dazzling smile that is just as pretty as the rest of him.</p>
<p>Alec needs to get out of there. </p>
<p>He turns with the intention of doing just that, and is stopped by Izzy calling out in a deceptively sweet voice as though she doesn’t know exactly what she’s doing: “Alec! Come meet Magnus!”</p>
<p>
  <em>Magnus.</em>
</p>
<p>The name repeats itself in Alec’s brain, cementing its place into his memory. He knows he’ll likely be unable to get that name out of his head for the rest of the day. He goes reluctantly, because he knows that he’s being watched and it would be rude now not to. He only barely restrains himself from reaching out to strangle his sister, who flutters her eyelashes at him in a show of innocence.</p>
<p><em>Magnus </em>, who somehow manages to look even more gorgeous up close, regards him with a smile and a sparkle in his eye. Alec notices -with an internal commentary that is simply the word <em>fuck </em>being thrown around repeatedly- that Magnus’ eyes are outlined with a hint of black eyeliner. </p>
<p>“Alec, this is your new locker neighbor, <em>Magnus Bane. </em>” Izzy says, “He just moved to Alicante with his mom.”</p>
<p>She looks between the two of them expectantly, and Alec realizes that she expects <em>him </em>to say something now.</p>
<p>“Hi.” He says stupidly, “Um. I’m Alec.”</p>
<p>He thinks he hates himself. No, he <em>knows </em>he hates himself.</p>
<p>His locker neighbor -Magnus Bane- seems to not share this sentiment though. His smile only widens as he says, “Hello.”</p>
<p>Magnus extends a hand, and Alec notices that his nails are painted black. Alec swallows. He’s not going to survive this. He hadn’t ever thought painted nails were something he found attractive before, but now there’s not a single doubt in his mind that he does. Or maybe it’s just Magnus. </p>
<p>Alec takes Magnus’ hand and his lips part slightly, suddenly dry. He flicks his tongue out to lick them more out of reflex than genuine intent at causing anything, but he catches Magnus’ eyes as they dart down to follow the motion anyway. </p>
<p>Besides them, Izzy clears her throat. Alec blushes furiously as he drops his hand, not wanting to admit that he had almost entirely forgotten about Izzy’s presence.</p>
<p>“I should get to class.” Magnus says, eyes still on Alec, “Wouldn’t want to be late on my first day.” </p>
<p>Alec nods, though it is little more than an automatic response. His body feels as though it is operating entirely on autopilot as his brain desperately tries to form a single coherent thought outside of the word <em>Magnus </em>.</p>
<p>“I’ll see you around, Alexander. And you, Izzy.” Magnus says. </p>
<p>Alec raises a hand in a half wave, “See you around.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Five</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"You know, you should be thanking me rather than complaining." Magnus says suddenly, looking up from where he has been engrossed in his phone for the past several minutes.</p>
<p>"Thanking you?" Alec splutters, "For <em>what? </em>And I'm not complaining." Anymore, at least, his brain tacks on. Alec had left his complaints in the car after Magnus had shot him a withering <em>look </em>, and now he resigns himself to sitting quietly in the jewelry store Simon has sent them to, awaiting their order to be brought out. He feels he deserves some credit for what he considers to be an amicable attempt at providing good company, even if Magnus doesn’t seem to want it, perched as he is on the absolute furthest end of the couch in the modest seating area provided by the store.</p>
<p>"You're sulking." Magnus counters, "I can practically feel it radiating off of you."</p>
<p>"I am not sulking." Alec argues. There's no response from Magnus -no verbal response anyway, if the rolling of his eyes that Alec is choosing to ignore is given any consideration.</p>
<p>"If it hadn't been for me, your little plan probably wouldn't have worked." Magnus continues to say. </p>
<p>"What are you even talking about?" </p>
<p>"I rigged the results for you?" Magnus reminds him, "Simon and Izzy wouldn't have been matched if I hadn't."</p>
<p>"That doesn't make any sense.” Alec says bluntly, “Simon and Izzy are perfect for each other."</p>
<p>Magnus shrugs, "Maybe they are. The deciding system isn't a perfect science. Just like this Soulmate thing."</p>
<p>Alec shouldn't. He most definitely shouldn't. But he asks anyway, unable to help himself, "What do you mean?"</p>
<p>Magnus’ glance for him is a derisive one, "If <em>this </em>were a perfect science, then all Soulmates would end up together. As it is, however, that's clearly not the case."</p>
<p>Alec opens his mouth to say something, thinks better of it, and silently shuts it again. Magnus doesn’t seem too concerned with finding out whatever it had been, his attention already back to his phone, which he had been scrolling through since they’d settled here. Alec sighs, knowing that he won't be getting anything else out of him anytime soon.</p>
<p><em>You asked for this, </em>he reminds himself. <em>You're the one who wanted a Soulmate. </em>And Magnus has every right to be upset with him; the situation they have found themselves in is less than ideal. Between them, the cord is pulled taut as they sit as far away from each other as possible, and Alec is forced to remember a time when this amount of distance between them would have been an unfathomable thing.</p>
<p>Magnus is the first to stand when they are called, and Alec follows behind as they make their way to the counter where the sales-woman produces a sleek black box that Magnus opens on her prompting. His brows furrow as he peers into it, glancing up at the saleswoman as though he’s missed something.</p>
<p>“Izzy loves snakes.” Alec explains, both for knowing this story from having experienced it first hand and from Simon’s countless recounts of it ever since. From the way that the saleswoman smiles gently at them and takes out the swirling silver snake-shaped bracelet, this is a story Simon has also relayed to her, “It’s how they became friends. Bonding over snakes. When they were kids, their teacher had one that she brought with her to school one time, and Izzy spent the rest of the year trying to convince our parents to let her get a pet snake.”</p>
<p>What Alec doesn’t say, and what he hopes Izzy never finds out, is that he had been part of the reason for her never having gotten permission to get that pet snake. Despite her constant attempts at reassurance and the fact that Jace had been on her side from the very first appeal in its favor, Alec couldn’t shake the fear that it would somehow manage to escape and had made the point very clear to his parents.</p>
<p>“That’s… actually quite sweet.” Magnus says, “I didn’t know Simon had it in him.”</p>
<p>“Neither did I.” Alec admits.</p>
<p>“Your friend was very specific about what he wanted.” The woman says, smiling gently as she pulls the box back to her, “Hopefully this girl finds it to her liking.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>They don’t leave the mall immediately after, and Alec truly only blames himself for assuming that they would have. </p>
<p>“We have time.” Magnus says, as he drags him to their fourth store, “Simon and Izzy are both still in classes. So unless you want to go back to school to sit in the parking lot and wait all morning…”</p>
<p>Alec resigns himself to following Magnus as he moves around, silent but for the occasional stumbling through an attempt at an opinion on something Magnus has chosen. As Magnus stands inspecting something else, Alec’s eyes catch a display of numerous valentine-themed greeting cards. He moves a little closer towards them, ignoring Magnus' little grumble of a complaint as he is forced to step back to accommodate him. </p>
<p>"These are nice." Alec says, plucking one of the cards up from the rack. He opens it, and is pleasantly surprised to find that it's a pop-up. A bear holding an armful of hearts jumps out at him. He turns to show it to Magnus, who wrinkles his nose at its appearance.</p>
<p>“Window shopping for whichever girl your parents are currently trying to set you up with?” Magnus asks nonchalantly, “You can’t buy her a card, Alec.”</p>
<p>Alec grinds his teeth together, irritation crawling up his skin. Between this, and making Alec follow after him as he goes shopping -which Magnus knows Alec has never been a fan of- Alec is sure that Magnus is purposely being an ass in some inane attempt to get a rise out of him, and Alec refuses to rise to the bait. If Magnus wants to be this way, that's fine. Alec will play along.</p>
<p>“What’s wrong with a greeting card?” Alec asks, keeping his tone level. He places the card back into its slot.</p>
<p>Magnus blinks at him, and Alec tries not to preen at the satisfaction he feels for not having given him what he wants.</p>
<p>“They’re <em>generic </em>.” Magnus explains, slowly, as though still awaiting Alec's anger. When it doesn't come he continues, but Alec notes a pleasing tick in his jaw as he says, “They lack feeling and emotion.”</p>
<p>Alec looks back down at the card display, and feels the need to defend both the cards and himself, “...But they’re pretty. Everyone likes pretty things.” </p>
<p>Magnus sighs, “Sure, they’re pretty, but it doesn’t really do a good job of telling the other person how you feel. Anyone could give you a gift card. When it’s from a romantic partner, it should be something more… personal. Cards are <em>cold.”</em></p>
<p>“Oh.” Alec says, averting his gaze back to the display of cards, “I wouldn’t know. It’s not like I’ve ever had to buy someone a Valentine’s day gift before.”</p>
<p>He can feel Magnus’ eyes on him and he tries to act unbothered; as though it does not feel as intense as a thousand little fires prickling at his back.</p>
<p>“Well,” Magnus says eventually, “Consider this a lesson for when you need to buy your future wife a present. Women appreciate effort.”</p>
<p>Alec is rapidly approaching the end of his already thin patience, and he turns to scowl at Magnus only to find that he has already moved on to survey the other shelf. It only serves to surge Alec’s annoyance further.</p>
<p>“Would you stop it?” He growls, “You can’t keep doing that.” </p>
<p>Magnus spins around to face him, and his eyes are flaming, “What would you have me do instead, Alec?”</p>
<p>“Magnus-”</p>
<p>“I think I’m done window-shopping.” Magnus interrupts. He snatches something up off of the shelf and turns on his heels to stalk off. Rather satisfyingly, Alec watches as he is forced to a stop when the cord has been stretched to its limit. </p>
<p>Six feet, they were both beginning to realize, only sounded like a lot in theory. In practice, however…</p>
<p>"Can we go ring these up?" Magnus asks through gritted teeth. By the time they have made it to the cashier, Magnus stands, seething, with his back to Alec. But the gratification Alec had initially felt at being the cause of it has dimmed enough that in its wake, he is left with only the sinking feeling of guilt. </p>
<p>He distracts himself by sifting through the trinkets that cover the display near the cashier, and pauses as one sign in particular catches his eye. Alec stares at it for a beat, and then back at Magnus who is still occupied with <em>not </em>looking at him. Without a second thought, Alec snatches one up and hands it over to the cashier, who has just finished bagging Magnus' purchase and raises a brow in question to Alec. Alec places a single finger over his lips and nods in Magnus' direction. The cashier, understanding, moves discreetly as she plucks a small enough gift bag to hold it; she rings both items up, and then passes it back to him in silence. Alec smiles in gratitude.</p>
<p>"Here you go." She says cheerily, smiling as Magnus turns to accept his bag, "Enjoy your day. Happy Valentine's!"</p>
<p>The walk back out to the car is made in silence. Alec watches with a sinking feeling in his chest as Magnus moves to the passenger seat and silently lets himself in without so much as a passing glance at Alec. Ok, so Magnus is angry. Alec doesn't entirely blame him for being so, but he is overcome with the desire to fix it. He thinks that maybe he should start with some kind of small talk, or ease into it considering the disaster that had been their last interaction, but when Alec opens his mouth with the intention of doing so, Magnus notices and turns to him with a look of both surprise and expectancy that leaves Alec fumbling for something to say.</p>
<p>“I got you something.” Alec blurts out. He reaches into his jacket pocket and takes out the small parcel, “I- It’s kind of stupid, but I saw it and-”</p>
<p>“You got me something?” Magnus asks. His eyes drop to the gift bag in Alec’s hands and then dart back up to meet his eyes. </p>
<p>“You don’t have to look so surprised.” Alec mumbles, shifting on the balls of his feet. He wonders now if this had actually been such a good idea. </p>
<p>But Magnus isn’t looking at him with any kind of judgement or hostility. His facial features seem to soften as he reaches out a hand to accept the gift. Alec watches the point where their hands touch, noting the way that Magnus allows it to linger for a few seconds longer than strictly necessary. This time, Alec is not the first to pull away.</p>
<p>Magnus clears his throat and says, so softly that Alec almost misses it, “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“You haven’t even opened it yet.” Alec tells him. The corner of Magnus’ mouth quirks up in something that is almost a smile, but not quite. Alec watches as he opens the bag and reaches in. </p>
<p>“Oh.” He breathes, taking out the object inside, “Alec.”</p>
<p>“It’s an omamori charm.” Alec explains, wringing his hands in his lap, “It’s meant to bring you good luck. I thought- Izzy mentioned a while ago that you had applied to the Drama program at NYU and I know how much you’ve always wanted to go there and I saw this and- yeah.”</p>
<p>Alec’s face heats up as he says it, aware that he’s rambling, and thinking now for sure that this had been a stupid idea. But then he risks a look at Magnus. Magnus holds the charm in his hands as though it something reverent, sending Alec’s internal conflict to a stuttering pause. </p>
<p>“You like it?” Alec asks, mentally kicking himself for how hopeful he sounds. When Magnus raises his head to look at him again, he’s smiling. A real smile this time. The one that has always had the ability to send Alec spiraling.</p>
<p>“I love it.” Magnus says, “I see you learnt a thing or two about gift-giving.” </p>
<p>“Well I’m a fast learner.” Alec replies, “And I had a good teacher.”</p>
<p>Magnus has that<em> look </em>again, and Alec wants to tell him that he should just put them both out of their misery and say whatever it is he’s thinking- even if he’s terrified of the answer he might get. Magnus doesn’t give him a chance to work through it, stroking his finger fondly over the pattern on the omamori.</p>
<p>“Thank you, Alex- Alec.”</p>
<p>“I don’t mind, you know.” Alec says suddenly, before he can convince himself not to. Magnus tilts his head in question.</p>
<p>“When you say my name.” Alec explains, flushing, “I like it when you say my name. You’re the only one who does. It’s… it’s nice.”</p>
<p>Magnus’s small smile grows wider, “Oh.”</p>
<p>“I mean, you don’t have to. I just… you know.”</p>
<p>“I’ll keep that in mind, Alexander.” Magnus says, and the blush that Alec has been fighting so hard this entire time comes at him with full force. </p>
<p>“We should go.” He manages, through the surge of emotion that has overtaken him, “Back to school, I mean. To give this to Simon.”</p>
<p>Magnus blinks at the sudden change in tone but recovers quickly and nods, settling back to pull on his seatbelt. He keeps the omamori charm clutched in his hand. </p>
<p>“I’m sorry about what I said back there.” Magnus says suddenly. Alec freezes. He had, truthfully, almost forgotten about that. The reminder is not particularly welcome. His hands tighten on the steering wheel, keeping his gaze locked out of the window. Besides him, he hears Magnus sigh.</p>
<p>“I was upset.” Magnus admits softly, “But I don’t need to take that out on you.”</p>
<p>“It’s not like you were wrong.” Alec mumbles. He swallows around the tightness in his throat. </p>
<p>“Alec-”</p>
<p>“I don’t <em>want </em>this, Magnus.” Alec says, “You- you make it seem like it’s something I’m choosing, but I don’t have a choice here.”</p>
<p>“You always have a choice.” Magnus objects, but Alec shakes his head. He doesn’t know how to reason with Magnus; he never has. Not about this. </p>
<p>“I know you don’t believe it, but you <em>do </em>, Alec.” Magnus insists, “It doesn’t have to be this way.” </p>
<p>Alec says nothing. What is there to say? </p>
<p>Two years seems a long time in theory but this is all too familiar to every other fight they had had back then. It’s almost as though no time has passed at all, and, in some ways it hasn't. Nothing has changed; not really.</p>
<p>But still, Alec would rather not sit here and have a rehash of their old arguments. Least of all now, when neither of them can walk away from each other when it inevitably grew too heated. It feels like simply throwing a blanket over a rising fire, but what else are they supposed to do?</p>
<p>As they pull out of the parking lot, Magnus turns to look at him and asks, “Can we make one more stop?”</p>
<p>Alec frowns, prepared to argue almost on instinct. However Magnus has his <em>please </em>face on and Alec, weak as his resolve has always been in the face of Magnus asking anything of him, finds himself unable to refuse.</p>
<p>“Where?” He asks. Magnus smirks, slow and mischievous, as he recites the address, and something clicks in Alec’s memory. One of the many he had buried deep and vowed never to reopen again.</p>
<p>“Oh.” He says. </p>
<p>Magnus' responding smile is contagious, and Alec catches it immediately.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. January, Sophomore Year</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alec isn’t sure when this became his and Magnus’ <em>spot,</em> but sometime during the few months they have known each other, it has. Now, he and Magnus have a standing date -and he blushes to think of it as a date before reminding himself with a mental kick that it isn’t- every Saturday afternoon at 3. </p>
<p>This time, Alec arrives first, and settles into their seat at the back near the big window where they usually look out at the park across the street. The owner of this café is the mother of a girl named Dot, who is a year older than Alec and Magnus and attends their school. Magnus is friends with her -more so than Alec who really only knows her because she’s popular- and Alec wonders if Dot had made some kind of reservation on this table for them as a result of that friendship, because no matter what they always find it empty when they get there.</p>
<p>Magnus comes in shortly after, waving at Dot who is behind the counter as she usually is. She returns it with a smile, “I’ll have your usual orders over in a bit.”</p>
<p>Magnus says something back to her that Alec doesn’t hear over the sound of his own racing thoughts; will Magnus like what he’s wearing today? Alec has been trying considerably to dress nicer ever since he’s met Magnus. Magnus always looks like he stepped off the cover of a magazine and Alec felt it only necessary to, in comparison, <em>not </em>look like he just rolled out of his bed and grabbed whatever his hand touched first. Izzy, of course, had been thrilled to help him in this endeavor. And she’d been nice enough not to mention why, though it had to have been obvious. Alec had never taken much interest in clothes before-</p>
<p>Magnus slides into the seat opposite Alec with grace that would have a ballet dancer scorning him in jealousy.</p>
<p>“Hi.” He says, smiling widely.</p>
<p>“How are you?” Alec asks. He tries to curb his enthusiasm, as he always does when he’s around Magnus. He’s rarely ever as successful as he would like to think that he is. </p>
<p>“Better, now, that I’m with you.” Magnus tells him. He brushes his hand against Alec’s in a move that could be considered accidental if seen by anyone else, but it is such a customary part of <em>them </em>now that Alec knows it is not, especially for the small, private smile from Magnus that always accompanies it. Alec’s heart feels like it’s soaring right through his chest. </p>
<p>“You look nice.” Alec blurts out. </p>
<p>Magnus, though he appears initially startled at the suddenness of the statement, sits up a little straighter, preening, “Thank you, Alexander. And so do you. You know how much I love that color on you.”</p>
<p>“You only tell me every time I wear it.” Alec teases, but he bends his head and bites at his bottom lip in an attempt to stave off the blush that has been fighting so hard to appear, and now threatens to do so at full force for the knowledge that Magnus’ preference is exactly why he wears this color so often.</p>
<p>Magnus is… so many things. They have not known each other for nearly long enough for Alec to feel as though he can justify the level of emotion he feels towards him. He doesn’t even know what those emotions <em>are </em>, often stopping himself from thinking too much about them. He just knows that Magnus makes him <em>feel </em>. Alec knows that he’s gay. He’s always known that. But he’s never had reason to confront that until Magnus, and the growing affection he feels for him is both terrifying and exhilarating. The sort that keeps Alec up at night and unable to think of anything else.</p>
<p>Whatever he and Magnus have, Alec holds it close to his chest and dreads the day that he will be forced to let it go.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Seven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Hey, Dot!” Magnus calls out cheerily as he pushes open the door of the café. A young woman with a crown of dark hair and an apron tied around her waist looks up at them from behind the counter, her grin widening in recognition as she spots Magnus, and then abruptly doing a double take when she notices Alec walking behind him.</p><p>Her eyes linger on Alec a little while longer as though she can’t believe what she’s seeing and then, slowly, she draws her attention to Magnus.</p><p>“Aren’t you supposed to be in school?” She asks, though there is no reprimand in her voice, “And look who you dragged with you. Alec Lightwood.”</p><p>Dot regards the pair of them curiously as they walk up to the counter, but she doesn’t ask any more questions. This has always been a trait of hers that Alec admired and is especially grateful for at that moment. </p><p>“Maybe I just missed you.” Magnus says with a smirk, wrapping his knuckles against the countertop. He leans over slightly to survey the cupcake display, many of which are currently Valentine Day themed.</p><p>“Or you missed the cupcakes.” Dot teases. Magnus raises both of his hands to defend himself but says, “I make no apologies. They are excellent cupcakes. You’re mother’s recipe is the best thing to ever happen to this town.”</p><p>Dot shakes her head with an affectionate roll of her eyes, and then her gaze flicks to Alec again.</p><p>“Interesting day to skip school.” She muses, “With the company you have.”</p><p>Magnus glances back at Alec, who is standing awkwardly besides him, his hands fidgeting at his sides. After everything that had transpired between him and Magnus, it had always felt <em>wrong </em>to come here, and so Alec had stopped. He feels out of place standing here now. Alec is pretty sure the shade of red he hits is a new color altogether, even for him, when Magnus turns back to Dot with a suggestive wink, “I don’t kiss and tell.”</p><p><em>"Magnus. </em>” He hisses out in warning, only to receive a laugh and a placating hand on his arm.</p><p>“In this particular instance, though,” Magnus adds, with a rather dramatic sigh that makes it seem as though he is going far out of his way, “Alec is just here as a friend.”</p><p>Alec ignores the bitter taste that the word leaves in his mouth, and forces himself to keep a relaxed expression as Dot arches her brow and looks between the two of them.</p><p>“Well,” She says, “I’m glad that the two of you are…<em> friends,</em> again.”</p><p>She leans closer to Alec and stage-whispers, in a low conspiratorial voice, “If you ask me, Magnus was lost without you.”</p><p>Before Alec can ask what she means, Magnus is saving him and dragging Dot’s attention away, pointing out the cupcakes he wants from the display. Whatever Dot sees on Alec’s face causes her to giggle, but she obligingly pulls a box out from the stack and begins setting up Magnus’ order.</p><p> </p><p>"I didn’t realize that the two of you were still such good friends.” Is all that Alec says as he and Magnus settle into their seat. </p><p>Their same seat, at the back near the window. It feels odd to be here again, but Alec likes it. More than he should.</p><p>“I work here.” Magnus explains, and that brings Alec to a pause. Magnus flips open the box of cupcakes as he continues, “After Dot’s mom died, she needed help around the café and since I spent so much time here anyway, she offered me the job.”</p><p>Oh. Alec is suddenly hit with the realization that there is a lot he has missed about Magnus’ life in the past two years; details that hadn’t managed to make it to him through Izzy.</p><p>“I… didn’t know.” He says, for lack of anything better to say. He winces as soon as the words are out of his mouth, “I mean, it makes sense. I just…”</p><p>Alec hadn’t been back here, ever, since after Magnus. </p><p>Magnus seems to know exactly what Alec is thinking. He traces at the edge of the box and gives him a small, wistful smile that has Alec’s chest immediately aching for something he has long since accepted he wouldn’t have.</p><p>“Yeah. Well.” Magnus says simply, which does nothing to make Alec feel better, “Cupcake?” </p><p>As Magnus raises his hand, Alec’s eyes are drawn to the cord around Magnus’ wrist, running across the length of it until he reaches where it is also attached to him. He’d spent most of this morning pretending it wasn’t there, as difficult as it had been, and avoiding looking at it as much he could. But it <em>is </em>there, and there’s no getting out of it. How is he going to explain to Izzy and Jace later, when he doesn’t go home? Or if he does, but Magnus goes with him? And what happens after? Even if they somehow make it all twenty four hours without anyone suspecting that something is up between them, are they meant to just go back to their lives as it had been before? Acting like they don’t know each other at all? Like the only relationship they’ve ever had was having lockers next to each other? </p><p>There’s so many things that they’re both ignoring, simply because the gravity of their situation is easier to bear that way. Alec doesn’t even know where to begin himself.</p><p>“Magnus.” Alec says. Magnus hesitates, and a long enough time passes that Alec almost says it again. But then Magnus raises his gaze, slowly, to meet Alec’s. </p><p>“I’m sorry.” Alec says softly.</p><p>Magnus watches him, as though he is searching for something that he cannot find lost in the features of Alec’s face. Magnus has always been able to <em>see </em>him, and it is not any less a daunting thing to experience now than it had been back then. Nothing has changed, they both know that. Alec still feels just as intensely for Magnus now as he had then, and it scares him now the same way it had then too. <em>No </em>, he thinks, this -the bond that glimmers brightly between them- sends a new, incomprehensible sort of terror through Alec.</p><p>He wonders if Magnus feels the same?</p><p>He thinks his question is answered when Magnus, without saying a word, reaches over to brush the tips of his fingers lightly across Alec’s wrist, just below the spot where the cord wraps around it.</p><hr/><p>Izzy makes a beeline for their usual table at the school courtyard, already reaching into her bag to retrieve her and Simon’s string. Alec almost laughs at the sight of it- so minor now, in comparison to what he and Magnus are dealing with. Simon jumps to his feet and Alec watches as they fumble over tying it around each other’s wrists, the faintest hint of color prickling at the back of Simon’s neck. Alec usually tells Izzy everything -or she figures it out herself, mostly- and so it is a weird experience for him not to tell her something as big as the fact that he has a <em>Soulmate. </em> </p><p>Alec still hasn’t wrapped his mind around that yet. It still feels so fucking surreal.</p><p>Izzy has always been the romantic out of the pair of them; she has always found the concept of a Soulmate to be fascinating and allowed herself to indulge in fantasies about what it would be like to have one, while Alec spent all of his time avoiding the very same thing. </p><p>He wonders if it is all just silly curiosity for her, as she tends to brush it off when confronted too much, or if there’s a part of her that years for a Soulmate with the same level of intensity that Alec knows he had, as well. He wonders if, in some reality, <em>Simon </em>could be her Soulmate. As he watches Izzy, he notices the fond way she looks at Simon as his fingers shake just enough to prolong his tying Izzy’s end of the string, and then promptly apologizes every time it slips only to be met with a giggle in response. Simon was definitely wrong, Alec thinks, to say that Izzy doesn’t see him. </p><p>And maybe they aren’t Soulmates, but Alec believes that they were meant to be together anyway, even though he would deny ever having anything close to that thought if asked about it.</p><p>“What’s that?” Izzy asks, her eyes narrowing suspiciously as she spots the gift box placed on their table. Alec had almost forgotten it, caught up in his thoughts as he was. Simon glances at where Alec and Magnus are sitting and then back at Izzy with a shy smile, “I got you something.” </p><p>Izzy’s eyes widen in surprise, genuine confusion and then something akin to affection on her face, “You… did? Really?” </p><p>Simon nods and watches as Izzy makes her way towards it, their string taking Simon with her- though from the look on his face as he watches her, Alec suspects he would be only honored to follow Izzy wherever she might lead him. Simon takes up the box and hands it to her.</p><p>“Simon,” She says, looking up at him, “You didn’t have to get me anything. When did you even- you would’ve had to buy this before, right? Before you knew we would be matched?”</p><p>Simon has always been a terrible liar and even worse so when it came to lying to Izzy. Alec sees his hands twitch at his sides, his nervous tell, which thankfully Izzy doesn’t seem to notice. </p><p>“I can’t reveal all of my secrets.” Simon says, a nervous chuckle passing his lips. He pretends to zip and lock his mouth closed and, for added effect, then throws away the ‘key’. It is so painfully <em>Simon, </em>and Izzy seems to practically melt at the sight of it.</p><p>Yeah, Alec thinks, Izzy definitely sees him. Magnus nudges him, a victorious grin on his face as they watch Izzy open her present. Her eyes widen as she sees it and, almost hesitantly, reaches out to run a finger along the delicate lines of the bracelet.</p><p>“You remembered this?” She asks softly, tearing her eyes away to look up at Simon. Simon murmurs something that is too low for Alec to hear, but whatever it is, Izzy throws her arms around him and pulls him in close for a hug as a response. Simon startles for the briefest of seconds, and then he is hugging her back.</p><p>“Thank you.” Alec hears Izzy murmur into his neck, “I love it.”</p><p>From over Izzy’s shoulder, Simon mouths <em>thank you </em>to Alec and Magnus, and Alec gives him a thumbs up. Is this sense of satisfaction and pride in his own skills the reason Izzy had always found it so much fun to try setting him up? Alec wonders, there may be some value in this Matchmaker business after all.</p><p>“Do you think they can be trusted to figure things out on their own from now?” Magnus whispers, “Maybe they might even kiss.”</p><p>“Absolutely not.” Alec says with a shake of his head. He glances back at Simon and Izzy, who are engrossed in a whispered conversation of their own. He knows his sister and best friend well enough to be sure that, if left up to their own devices, they <em>will </em>find a way to mess up all of his work. Perhaps a kiss will seal the deal, but the possibility of one is still too far out of the picture for Alec’s comfort and peace of mind. </p><p>“Nothing short of divine intervention will cause that.” Alec tells Magnus.</p><p>Magnus hums, seeming to agree, and Alec sees an idea forming in his head as he turns to Izzy and Simon again and says to Alec, “Well then, I guess <em>we’ll </em>just have to be that divine intervention.”</p><p>“What did you have in mind?”</p><p>“Lunch date at Taki’s?” Magnus suggests.</p><p>Alec grins, “Lunch date at Taki’s it is.”</p><hr/><p>Lunch at Taki’s very quickly becomes something that Alec regrets agreeing to. </p><p>“I thought that the two of you weren’t friends anymore?” Izzy asks, shooting them both an accusatory glance from across the table. She picks up a menu and begins flipping through it, glancing up at her brother and Magnus once she realizes that neither of them have any intention of responding to her question and are, instead, looking everywhere <em>but </em>at her.</p><p>“Well?” She asks expectantly, “Simon, did you know about this? They haven’t left each other's side all day. It’s weird, right?”</p><p>“I did find them both talking earlier, near the cafeteria.” Simon says, shrugging apologetically when Alec shoots him a withering glare.</p><p>“We’re… working on a project together.” Magnus says slowly. Alec tries to appear as though this is something he has been fully aware of all day, nodding at Izzy’s questioning frown.</p><p>“About Soulmates.” Magnus continues, his voice more confident this time. Alec stiffens even though he trusts Magnus not to say anything about <em>them </em>as he continues, “So we need to know what it’s like to be… close. Physically.” </p><p>Alec flushes at the choice of words but murmurs an affirmative anyway.  </p><p>“Huh.” Izzy says, though it is clear she does not entirely believe them, “That’s interesting. Then why don’t you guys have one of these?” </p><p>She raises her hand to signal at the string around her wrist, and this time, Alec only barely manages to hold back a laugh at the irony of it all.</p><p>“We figured we could do without it.” He says instead.</p><p>“Too complicated.” Magnus adds, with a sincere enough shake of his head that Alec almost wants to ask if he actually feels that way about them having the real thing. He thinks back on the day they have had and knows he wouldn’t blame him if he does. <em>Complicated </em>actually seems like too simple of a word, all things considered.</p><p>“It does take a bit of getting used to.” Simon admits, and then flushes as he quickly adds, turning to Izzy, “Not that I’m not enjoying being with <em>you </em>, of course.”</p><p>But Izzy doesn’t appear to have taken any personal offence to Simon’s words, staring down at her hands and seemingly lost in her own mind.</p><p>“Could you imagine what it’s like for<em> real </em>Soulmates?” She asks. She takes a moment to consider the idea and then shakes her head, “How does it even work? Twenty four whole hours and the furthest you can go from someone is six feet? It’s… I can’t even imagine it.”</p><p>Alec forces a chuckle and pointedly avoids looking at any of them, especially Magnus, his eyes moving sightlessly over his menu. </p><p>“It probably wasn’t an issue for Clary and Jace.” Simon ponders out loud, “I mean, have you <em>seen </em>those two?”</p><p>“Maybe the Soulmate bond only works if you’re already obsessively attached to the other person.” Izzy snickers, and Alec feels Magnus stiffen next to him. He can’t say that he’s faring any better himself, his grip on the menu tight enough that he’s probably leaving little crescent shaped fingernail prints in the plastic covering, but Izzy and Simon continue anyway, entirely unaware of their turmoil.</p><p>“I don’t know. I like the idea of it, sure, but… I guess it’s just one of those things you have to actually experience yourself, you know. <em>This </em>is nice,” Izzy says, raising her hand again, “But I can’t imagine it’s anything like the real thing.”</p><p>No, Alec wants to say, he can’t imagine that it is. It’s so much more intense, knowing that there’s no way out of this until after their twenty four hours are fully up. His mind runs to the thought that he and Magnus are probably going to have to go to sleep at some point, and with only six feet between them, they’ll probably have to sleep in the same bed. </p><p>He pushes the thought away with a silent admonishing at himself. <em>Don’t go there. </em> </p><p>He wishes he could cut himself free from this right there, and he immediately feels guilty for even having the thought. <em>No, you don’t wish that. </em>He thinks. Of course he doesn’t. As much as this scares him, knowing that he is tethered to Magnus -that <em>Magnus </em>is his soulmate- is perhaps the best thing to ever happen to him. </p><p>But that’s unfair to Magnus, isn’t it? Because Magnus isn’t the one choosing not to pursue their relationship any further. Magnus isn’t the one going against the literal universe and refusing to admit that he’s madly in love with the person who he is, apparently, destined to be with. It’s not fair to Magnus, for Alec to sit there and be happy about this, knowing that it is only going to end in pain for one of them.</p><p>Well, to be fair, it’s going to end in pain for them both. But Magnus isn’t the one who signed up for that pain.</p><p>He sighs as their server approaches them to take their order, grateful when the conversation shifts away from the topic of Soulmates. Alec thinks that he has had about all that he could take of <em>Soulmates </em>for one day.</p><p>“We have Chemistry together after this, right Magnus?” Izzy asks absently as she takes out her phone, apparently to double check her timetable. </p><p>Magnus frowns, a small crease appearing between his brows, as though he has genuinely forgotten all about school, “Oh. Right. Chem.”</p><p>He casts a tentative glance at Alec and says, “Alec and I were actually going to….”</p><p>“Look through some books on Soulmates at the library.” Alec finishes, “Magnus has… a thing afterwards, so we have to go now.”</p><p>“A thing?” Simon repeats.</p><p>It’s a shitty excuse even to Alec’s own inexperienced ears, but neither him nor Magnus make any attempt to fix it. Simon and Izzy stare at them, and Alec blanches under the weight of it.</p><p>“You’re skipping school?” Izzy asks disbelievingly, <em>“You?"</em></p><p>“There’s a first time for everything.” Alec responds weakly. He knows that Izzy can see right through his lies, and that he’s probably just shot himself in his own foot if getting Izzy to stop interrogating him was his goal of the day.</p><p>“....Right.” Simon says.</p><p>“Here’s your orders!” Their server, appearing out of seemingly nowhere but nonetheless appreciated on Alec’s part, announces. She places down their plates in front of them and recites what they had each ordered as she does, “Enjoy your meals.”</p><p>“I’m starving.” Magnus announces, immediately picking up a fork to start shoveling food into his mouth; definitely just so they can change the subject, or at the very least to avoid having to answer anything himself. Alec takes the cue and begins doing the same. </p><p>“This is really good.” Alec says numbly, and he hopes that Izzy hears his unspoken plea to leave it alone. There is a long moment of silence between the four of them, and Alec sags with relief when Simon begins talking about whatever video game he has recently started playing, eventually garnering Izzy’s attention as well as he mentions a game that Izzy has also recently gotten into. </p><p>He spares a moment to be grateful that their lunch date didn’t go completely wasted and listens attentively to every word out of Simon’s mouth, just happy to have something to distract from all of his other thoughts.</p><p>“Oh, Alec!” Simon says suddenly, and Alec groans internally before risking looking up at Simon so he knows that he’s heard him, “Can I ask a favor?”</p><p>“I was meant to return these books to the library soon, but since you guys are going there after…”</p><p>Alec had, actually, had no intention of going anywhere near the library and from the look on Magnus’ face he hadn’t either, but they are caught in this lie now and what are they supposed to say?</p><p>“I mean, it’s just that the library is a bit out of my way so it would be a lot easier for me if you took it-”</p><p>“Okay, Simon.” Magnus says, extending a hand that has the dual effect of asking Simon for the books he has to return and, mercifully, shutting him up before he could babble even more.</p><p>“Thank you.” Simon sighs, exhaling in a dramatic show of relief as he bends slightly to reach into his bag that he has propped against the foot of the table. He passes them over and Alec eyes the stack of Dungeons and Dragons manuals warily, resigning himself to his fate as he continues to eat at a much slower pace this time, realizing that he will soon have to be alone with Magnus again, and wanting to prolong that as long as possible.</p><hr/><p>"We didn't get our kiss." Magnus says as he follows Alec out of the car.</p><p>The Alicante Public Library stands tall in front of them, and Alec glances back to find Magnus staring up at him. Despite his words, Magnus’ expression clearly states that he couldn't care less about something so trivial, in the grander scheme of things, as Simon and Izzy's kiss anymore; and truthfully Alec feels the same. Setting someone else up in a relationship and watching them fall in love was, as it had turned out, not any fun when you were depriving yourself of the same thing. </p><p>"No, we didn't." Alec says, finding himself suddenly unable to muster up a single care to anything.</p><p>“I’m exhausted.” He admits.</p><p>“So am I.” Magnus says in a small voice, “Let’s just go return these and get out of here.”</p><p>“We could go back to my place. It’s not far.” Magnus suggests, “We can watch reruns of What Not To Wear.”</p><p>Alec snorts as he holds the door open for Magnus to walk in, “I can’t believe you still watch that.”</p><p>“I can’t believe I never managed to get you hooked on it. Greatest failure of my life.”</p><p>Alec laughs, but the thought of spending the rest of the day just curled up on a couch and not doing anything actually sounds great.</p><p>“What about your mom?” He asks. </p><p>“She isn't here. She's in San Francisco for work." Magnus says. Alec is guilty for feeling relieved. He actually likes Annie, Magnus’ adoptive mother. But, like Dot, hadn’t exactly spent much time with her since he and Magnus stopped talking. He doesn’t think he has it in him to handle another scenario like the café, as much as he had enjoyed their brief detour there. Alec has many fond memories of Magnus’ house. Perhaps more than he has of his own. Annie had always made him feel welcome here in a way that his own mother never had, and it had always pained Alec to admit that, but he feels it especially now. He can’t help but think, and he knows that it is true, that while Annie would welcome him and Magnus as Soulmates with open arms, his mother would be horrified and refuse to accept it- demanding that Alec do the same.</p><p>“Then,” He says, “Please, lead the way.” </p><p>He gestures, and they begin walking towards the front desk where a kindly looking elderly woman smiles welcomingly up at them. She accepts the books from Magnus and Simon’s library card from Alec, and Magnus -being Magnus- makes small talk with her as she sorts through them. By the time she is done and confirms that Simon has no books to return, an idea, or rather yet another distant memory, this one perhaps having been buried further than the others, has gotten into Alec’s head. Magnus starts to go to where the car is parked, but Alec tugs on the cord to stop him.</p><p>“Do you remember that sculpture?” He asks, nodding in the direction of said sculpture when Magnus turns to him.</p><p>Alec is sure that Magnus does indeed remember for the flash of apprehension in his eyes as he turns back to the car, and then to Alec, “I thought you were tired?”</p><p>Alec is, but, “I just… I don’t know…”</p><p>When Magnus says nothing, Alec takes it as agreement and starts walking.</p><p>The Love Lock, as it had been dubbed, is a giant sculpture in the shape of a heart holding various locks of different shapes, colors, and sizes. Alec vividly remembers coming here for the first time, seeing it propped against the wall at the side of the library, and then rushing to find a lock that he felt suited both him and Magnus.</p><p>Alec starts heading towards it, but Magnus seems to have other ideas.</p><p>"Alec-" he begins, his voice wavering, "Wait-"</p><p>But they're already there, and by the time Alec stops walking the sculpture stands in front of them. </p><p>
  <em>It's kind of stupid, but I wanted us to have a lock too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>It's not stupid at all, Alexander. Actually, I think it's quite adorable.</em>
</p><p>It's one of many memories with Magnus that Alec cherishes, one of many that he'd forced himself not to think about these past two years. He looks around the area on the sculpture where he knows  their lock should be, and frowns when he doesn’t find it. </p><p>“Ours isn’t here.” Alec says, “That’s weird. What happened to it?” </p><p>Magnus is not looking at him, and perhaps that should have been the giveaway but it isn’t, and Alec still looks around the sculpture thinking that he may have just gotten the placement of their lock wrong.</p><p>“I can’t find it.” Alec frowns, confused. He walks towards the sculpture to get a closer look, and is prevented from doing so by Magnus, who stands rooted to the spot. </p><p>“What-?” The question dies on Alec’s tongue. Magnus finally raises his eyes to look at Alec, and there is a deep profound sadness there that Alec has not seen reflected in Magnus’ eyes since <em>that </em>night. Magnus’ lips part on the beginnings of a statement that never gets said.</p><p>“Oh.” Alec says. A simple statement that somehow manages to convey both all of what he feels, and yet nothing at all.</p><p>Magnus takes a single step forward and stops, “Alexander-”</p><p>“I get it.” Alec interrupts, which is true. He does. But half of the reason he cut Magnus off is because he doesn’t think an apology is going to do much to assuage the emptiness that has come over him. Alec is suddenly bone-weary of everything. And he has already been pretty fucking exhausted of this day.</p><p>“I just…” He glances around helplessly, and his eyes fall to the cord that connects him to Magnus. For the first time since it had appeared, Alec wishes it weren’t there and <em>means </em>it. </p><p>“We should go.” Alec says, almost robotically.</p><p>“Okay.” Magnus agrees softly. Alec turns and walks off, hardly cognizant at all of the faint tug around his wrist as Magnus stays as far away from him as possible.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0008"><h2>8. April, Sophomore Year</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“So?” Magnus asks, shooting an expectant glance at Alec as they exit the theater, “What did you think?”</p><p>Alec has to stifle a laugh at Magnus’ enthusiasm. He’s clearly still riding the high from just having watched the show, and his hopefulness that Alec will have loved it too is cuter than it has any right to be. </p><p>Still, Alec doesn’t feel like putting him out of his misery just yet.</p><p>“It was okay.” Alec says, keeping his tone neutral, “I can see why it’s your favorite show.”</p><p>Magnus slams to a stop. Annie, who is walking behind him and does not stop in time, almost runs right into him. But Magnus doesn’t seem to have even noticed. He’s staring at Alec with a look that is just the right side of horror. </p><p><em>'Okay? </em>” He repeats, owlish eyes blinking up at Alec, “You think it was <em>okay? </em>”</p><p>From over Magnus’ shoulder, Alec sees Annie roll her eyes with that mix of fondness and exasperation she often has for her son’s dramatics. Alec bites the inside of his cheek to stop from giving himself away before he’s even had his fun with this.</p><p>Magnus stares at him, the demand of an explanation evident in his folded arms and raised brow. He’s so <em>cute </em>, and Alec is so very gone.</p><p>“I mean, yeah.” Alec manages to say without smiling. He shrugs and stuffs his hands into his pocket in mock contrition, “I guess it just wasn’t what I expected-”</p><p>“Alexander.” Magnus stops him by raising a single hand. Alec immediately falls silent. Magnus looks as though he is more than prepared to march them right back into the theater -front row seats this time- and demand another performance from the entire cast just to give Alec the chance to correct his apparent first impression.</p><p>“We just saw <em>Wicked. </em>” Magnus implores, “One of the most iconic Broadway shows ever- and your response is that it was <em>Okay? </em>”</p><p>Alec offers him a small, apologetic smile, and Magnus throws his hands up into the air with an aggravated shout.</p><p>“I don’t know why I bother trying to teach you any culture-”</p><p>Alec doesn’t know what it is on his face that gives him away, but Magnus stops his ranting to narrow his eyes at him, his hands slowly lowering to his sides as realization settles in.</p><p>“I hate you.” Magnus grumbles, “You enjoyed it, didn’t you?”</p><p>“I loved it.” Alec replies, and he’s being honest. He <em>had </em>enjoyed it, despite his many insistences that he wouldn’t prior to them actually seeing it. Though, Alec thinks, he really should accept by now that any opinion he has about something Magnus enjoys will be inevitably biased, simply because Magnus had loved it and decided to share it with Alec.</p><p>Annie laughs softly, shaking her head at the pair of them, “You boys are adorable together.”</p><p>Heat blooms in Alec’s chest at her statement, and he wants to believe that she is right. He risks a peak at Magnus and immediately gets lost in warm brown eyes staring back at him with an expression that leads Alec to assume -to <em>hope </em>- that he’s thinking the same thing. </p><p>“Let’s find somewhere to grab a late dinner before heading back.” Annie suggests, “My treat.”</p><p>“That sounds great, mama.” Magnus says, but his eyes don’t move away from Alec. As they walk, Magnus steps in so that he’s close enough to Alec to brush their hands together. </p><p>It’s reminiscent of what he does at the café back in Alicante, lingering just long enough that Alec knows it isn’t accidental. One touch, a beat, and then another one, and Alec swallows nervously.</p><p>So he and Magnus aren’t technically together, though he has it on good authority –Izzy and Simon and, recently, Magnus’ friend Catarina- that they actually <em>are. </em>Even if neither of them seem intent on admitting it out loud.</p><p>And of course Alec wants to. He wants so badly that he sometimes thinks that the intensity of his longing to be more with Magnus will consume him whole.</p><p>Back in Alicante, Alec might have pulled away had Magnus done this somewhere in public. There were too many people who knew him, and knew his parents, and might report something back to them. It wasn’t something he could risk back home. To be completely honest, Alec wasn’t entirely certain that it was something he could risk here. His parents did do business in the city sometimes. Was it really safe to assume no one might know who he is here?</p><p>He knows that Magnus would never push him to do more than he was comfortable with. Magnus had been so incredibly patient with him this entire time. If the situation were different, they would be together. Alec would be able to call Magnus his boyfriend, and not immediately fear for what his parents would do if they overheard.</p><p>“I’m glad you had a good time tonight.” Magnus says from besides him. Alec pushes through his spiraling thoughts to smile at him, gently nudging Magnus’ shoulder with his own.</p><p>“It’s you.” Alec says, “I enjoy doing anything with you.”</p><p>“And I love that you’re so open to trying new things, even if it is just to make me happy.” Magnus tells him. </p><p>Alec wants so much he feels that the intensity of it will consume him.</p><p>“I-” Alec begins, cutting himself off as doubts once again begin to cloud his mind, “Magnus.”</p><p>“Alexander.”</p><p>Something about the way Magnus says his name always makes Alec feel safe. His full name has never been said with such tenderness before, but when it rolls off of Magnus’ tongue it holds the same reverence Alec might have previously associated with a prayer.</p><p>“I really like you.” Alec says. Because he needs Magnus to know. </p><p>If things were different, Alec would not hesitate to do what he wants to do now. But he feels it unfair to have what he wants when he will not be able to give Magnus what he deserves. </p><p>Magnus, a better person than <em>Alec </em>deserves, smiles at him. </p><p>“I really like you, too.”</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Nine</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>“Say something, Alexander.” Magnus begs as they get back to the house. Alec squares his shoulders and says nothing. He doesn’t even know where to <em>begin </em>saying something. He very much regrets not having come here right after returning Simon’s books. Things had gone from <em>bad </em>at Taki’s, to infinitely <em>worse </em>now, in just the span of less than an hour.</p>
<p>“I- I’m sorry.”</p>
<p>Alec laughs humorlessly, a single sharp sound, “You’re sorry? Magnus- if anyone should be apologizing here, it’s <em>me </em>.”</p>
<p>Magnus blinks at him, “I don’t-”</p>
<p>“I fucked up.” Alec says, “And I keep fucking up, when it comes to you. I just- this is why I-”</p>
<p>He stops himself. <em>Don’t go there, </em>he begs, not now. </p>
<p>“Whatever.” He dismisses, “It doesn’t matter now. None of it does.”</p>
<p>“Alec- <em>Alec! </em>” Magnus stops him from going any further by refusing to move himself, “You’re not walking away from me. Not this time.”</p>
<p>“Magnus-”</p>
<p>“Do you have any idea what it’s been like, these past couple of years? You live on the other side of town. <em>I’m </em>the one who had to walk past that sculpture every day, Alec.”</p>
<p>“I never-”</p>
<p>“I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t just… see it, and know that it meant nothing to you. Not the way it meant to me.”</p>
<p>Alec recoils as though he’s been slapped; and for the severity of Magnus’ words, he might as well have been.</p>
<p>“You can’t… possibly think that?” Alec asks, aghast. Is that what Magnus thought? That he didn’t <em>mean </em>anything to him? When Alec has spent the past two years hyper-aware of just how much Magnus meant to him, and probably always would?</p>
<p>“No, of course not.” Magnus laughs mockingly, “I do know that <em>it doesn’t matter </em>to you. That you would never <em>choose </em>me, the way I wanted you to. That everything you ever said to me ended up meaning <em>fucking nothing </em>because at the end of it all, you still walked away like you’d never loved me.”</p>
<p><em>Now </em>Alec feels like he’s been slapped. The first blow, he realizes, had been a fucking gentle summer breeze against his skin in comparison.</p>
<p>“Of course I still love you.” Alec says, without giving much thought to it. He just knew that of everything Magnus has said, the pain he heard in his voice, the sincerity with which he seems to believe all of it; somehow Magnus thinking that Alec had never loved him was the worst of it all.</p>
<p>He instantly regrets the words for the way that Magnus’ face hardens in response, his stare turning cold and borderline hostile.</p>
<p>“Magnus-” He tries again.</p>
<p><em>"Stop saying that. </em>” Magnus demands, “Stop saying that you- that you <em>love </em>me, because you <em>don’t. </em>”</p>
<p>“But I <em>do- </em>”</p>
<p>“No, Alec!” Magnus says, “You don’t get to do this. You can’t stand there, and act like the past two years just haven’t fucking happened-”</p>
<p>“I’m not<em> trying </em>to-”</p>
<p>“-And as though I haven’t spent countless nights awake thinking of you, wishing that those words were true-”</p>
<p>“Magnus, that’s what I’m trying to tell you-”</p>
<p>“You don’t get to say that to me now, when you don’t really mean it. When the only thing keeping you here in this moment is <em>this. </em>” Magnus jerks violently at the cord, so hard that Alec spares a moment to be genuinely surprised he doesn’t manage to break it. </p>
<p>“I can’t do this again.” Magnus whispers, brokenly, “I can’t just… Alexander, do you have any idea how much you mean to me?”</p>
<p>Alec has never felt despair like he feels now, but he still holds Magnus’ gaze because to look away from him now feels like it might hurt even more. </p>
<p>“Running around with you today has been fucking torture for me, Alexander. Because I’ve spent it all knowing that no matter what I said or did, you were going to leave, <em>again </em>, at the end of it.”</p>
<p>"Magnus, I don't want-"</p>
<p>"And you keep saying that!" Magnus yells, "You keep acting like your parents are the only factor here, and it's <em>not </em>. They don't even know that you're gay, Alec! You're the one that's so determined to live under their rule no matter how much it hurts you, and one day all that running away is going to catch up to you."</p>
<p>"Fine!" Alec snaps, "Fine, I'm afraid, Magnus. I'm fucking terrified of what they're gonna do if they find out- but what am I supposed to do? Give up my life for you? My family?"</p>
<p>"Of course not!" Magnus explodes, "Stop putting words in my mouth!"</p>
<p>"That's literally exactly what you just said. Magnus, I can't just do whatever I want. I'm not <em>you. </em>I don't get the luxury of doing whatever I want!"</p>
<p>"Don't you dare-" Magnus hisses out. He steps closer to Alec so that they are almost touching, "Don't you dare act like I've had it <em>easy </em>. You know, better than anyone, that it isn't true. The only difference between the two of us is that I don't let the entire fucking world tell me what I should and shouldn't be. Or at least, I don't listen to them when they do." </p>
<p>Magnus’ eyes flash and Alec makes an angry noise in the back of his throat, a rebuttal on the tip of his tongue that promptly dies when Magnus begins stalking towards him. Three steps, and then Alec has only a second for his brain to register shock as Magnus grabs the front of his shirt and <em>yanks </em>him forward, crashing their mouths together in a hard, borderline aggressive clash of teeth and tongue.</p>
<p>Alec’s brain malfunctions, and takes a second to play catch-up, and then he is kissing back. He gives just as good as he gets, walking them backwards until Magnus is pressed against a wall, Alec pressed tightly against the front of his body. Alec pours everything he is feeling into this kiss; all of the anger, pain, resentment and frustration that has been building up inside of him for the past two years. No, <em>for his entire fucking life. </em>Magnus seems to be doing the same, nipping sharply at Alec’s bottom lip and giving a small, pleased hum when Alec yelps in response, more out of surprise than any actual pain. </p>
<p>Alec feels the heat of Magnus’ skin against his palms before his brain registers that his hands have slipped under Magnus’ shirt, pressing against the expanse of bare skin just above the waist of his jeans. He’s about to pull away, slightly embarrassed at having lost himself so much to go so far without even realizing it, but then Magnus is gasping into his mouth, low and wanting, and grinding his hips up so that their cocks -hardening and still enclosed behind jeans- press against each other. Alec groans at the friction, his head falling to mouth at Magnus’ neck, across his collarbone, up to his jaw. There’s a soft thud as Magnus’ head falls back against the wall, and the noise causes Alec -still caught up in the low heat beginning to simmer in the pit of his stomach at every insistent roll of Magnus’ hips- to finally regain some semblance of rationality. He pulls away, unwilling to go too far, just enough to murmur, “Please don’t give yourself a concussion on my behalf.”</p>
<p>Magnus inhales deeply, a sharp staggering breath. He tangles his fingers into Alec’s hair and keeps him pressed close.</p>
<p><em>"Shut up. </em>” Magnus pleads, though it comes out as little more than a breathless whine, “Just- <em>God,</em> fuck you, Alec.”</p>
<p>He tugs on the strands of hair he has in his grip, sending a sharp jolt of electric fire coursing through Alec’s veins. Their breathing is heavy, unsteady, as Alec finally raises his head up and pushes himself back fully. Magnus meets his eyes, and, slowly, pulls him back in. Alec goes. As always, unable to resist Magnus in any way. His grip on Magnus’ waist tightens, desperate to be closer- as close as they can get, and yet, he finds that is not enough. Alec wants, and he wants, and he wants some more. He wants every part of Magnus and in turn, wants to give all of himself away. </p>
<p>Their lips move now in tandem, giving and taking equally. A much different burst of energy from the whirlwind that had been their first. <em>Take me, </em>Alec says now with every brush of Magnus’ lips against his, <em>I’m only ever yours to take.</em></p>
<p>But unspoken words only do so much, and they come apart this time as Magnus places a hand flat to Alec’s chest, gently pushing him back and turning his own head to the side, as though keeping his eyes anywhere on Alec is too much for him to bear. Alec can’t look away. He uses the opportunity of Magnus’ eyes pressing closed to catalogue every line of his features. A considerable length of time passes before either of them speaks or even moves again. Alec is afraid even to breathe too hard, for fear of disrupting any part of this precariously balanced moment they have found themselves in.</p>
<p>"Fuck you, Alec.” Magnus whispers, “I can’t do this again." His hands release Alec to sweep down the length of his arms, hanging onto him like he doesn't want to let go, ever, despite his own testament to the contrary.</p>
<p>"I know." Alec says. Warring with his own mind, he steps back. Magnus allows his hands to fall away from him entirely, and Alec is cold in all the places that are no longer occupied by Magnus’ touch.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.” Magnus says. </p>
<p>“Sorry?” Alec asks, confused, “For what?”</p>
<p><em>"That. ”</em> Magnus replies with a slightly frustrated wave of his hand, “Whatever that was. I shouldn’t have-”</p>
<p>“I think you may have hit your head too hard, after all.” Alec cuts him off, “You seem to be suffering memory loss. Magnus- I was very much into… that.”</p>
<p>“That doesn’t change the fact that it was a bad idea.” Magnus says, his tone sharp as a whip, “I don’t ever think when I’m with you.”</p>
<p>“I don’t think when I’m with you, either.” Alec admits. Magnus shakes his head, his mouth turning down into a frown, “No. I think it’s the opposite, actually. You think too much when you’re with me.”</p>
<p>It is now Alec’s turn to fight his instinctual desire to look away from the intensity of Magnus’ eyes. They still take Alec’s breath away; the darkest shade of brown, deep and warm; Alec could get lost in the depths of those eyes if he truly allowed himself to. But he feels like he doesn’t deserve it, least of all right now, and so his gaze drops until he is looking instead at the ground.</p>
<p>Magnus is having none of it, stepping forward and gripping Alec’s jaw between gentle fingers, making him look up until they are facing each other once more.</p>
<p>“Nothing is as complicated as you think it is.” Magnus tells him, “Whatever you feel… I promise you that it’s okay to let yourself feel it.”</p>
<p>Alec cannot breathe, not with the sincerity of Magnus’ words and his hyper-awareness of every single point of contact of Magnus’ body that brushes against his. The hand on his jaw, the other touching lightly at his waist. The memory of <em>Magnus </em>grinding against him. </p>
<p>It is too much, and yet not nearly enough. Something coils deep within Alec, any further attempt at reasoning even with himself evading him completely as Magnus leans in just a little bit closer. Slow and tentative, as though his brain is debating the motion even as his body acts on it.</p>
<p>They are close enough now that Alec can feel the heat of Magnus’ breath against him, and he darts out his tongue to lick at suddenly dry lips. Magnus eyes follow the motion, flickering back up to Alec’s, and then he is leaning in to kiss him again. It barely lasts more than a couple of seconds, and when Magnus breaks it he drops his hand and steps back from him.</p>
<p>Alec feels unsteady, the loss of Magnus’ touch and the thing that had been keeping him grounded making him shaky on his own feet, “I- I want…”</p>
<p>“What do you want, Alexander?” </p>
<p><em>“You.” </em>Alec tells him, forcing himself past those last few inhibitions, “While we’re here. While we have this. I want you, in all the ways that I can’t have you, and it’s fucking selfish of me to even ask, but… Magnus, you aren’t the only one who’s spent the past two years wanting this.”</p>
<p>“If I could,” Magnus says, “I would ask you to choose me. Even though I know all of your reasons for not doing it. That’s what I want, and it’s selfish of me, too.”</p>
<p><em>Ask, </em>Alec wants to say. <em>Ask me.</em></p>
<p>But Magnus never will. And Alec’s throat feels tight, constricting around the words.</p>
<p>Alec would beg to disagree with Magnus’ claim. He doesn’t have a single selfish bone in his body. He has every reason to tell Alec to go to hell, and yet he looks at him with no sign of resentment or anger. Magnus’ eyes darken and Alec shivers with the recognition of something that <em>want </em>doesn’t even begin to capture the extent of.</p>
<p>"Let's go." Magnus murmurs, offering his hand. There is only a brief hesitation on Alec’s part, and then he slots his fingers into Magnus’- the perfect fit.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0010"><h2>10. June, Sophomore Year</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Lydia Branwell is beautiful. </p>
<p>In another life, Alec thinks he might have even been attracted to her.</p>
<p>Their relationship would make sense. She is the daughter of one of his parent’s foreign business partner’s and Alec, as the eldest son, has been given the task of showing her around Alicante while her family is visiting from London. Her driven, no nonsense attitude reminds Alec of himself, and her sharp sense of humor keeps him from being bored out of his mind, as he had feared he might be. They get along well together, a point his father, Robert, had made sure to mention before sending them off on their way. </p>
<p>Alec isn’t stupid, he’s well aware of his fathers plans and he’s sure Lydia does too. As it turns out, it is a silent mutual agreement between the both of them that they will simply not discuss it. Alec is grateful for Lydia having stuck to her end of the agreement and hopes she continues to do so for the duration of her visit. He doesn’t know how he will explain to her, if asked, that he spends most of his time with her thinking about someone else and wishing that they were there instead. And Alec is already lying to one person today; he doesn’t really want to add another.</p>
<p>“Alicante is beautiful.” Lydia comments as they settle in for lunch at a cozy little restaurant that Alec has never been to, but Izzy and Clary both swear by, “I’m beginning to wish my parents hadn’t moved to London.”</p>
<p>Alec smiles and tries to draw his focus back onto the girl sitting next to him, “London is great, too. It’s one of my favorite cities that I’ve been to.”</p>
<p>“You’ll have to come back and visit sometime, now that we know each other. I can return the favor and give you an official tour.” </p>
<p>“How long did you say you were going to be staying here, again?”</p>
<p>“Just the weekend.” Lydia says as she picks up her menu and begins to flip through it, “My parents are only here for a meeting and decided to drag me along with them. It’s been years since I’ve come to New York.”</p>
<p>Alec wonders, absently, if Magnus would like London. He’s said that he’s never left the US since coming here as a child. Alec thinks he would, and immediately begins plotting ways that he can get Magnus to tag along with them on one of their family vacations. Magnus’ presence would make them so much more bearable. Usually Alec was left up to his own devices, unless he was being dragged along with Jace and Izzy, while their parents completely missed the point of a vacation and just worked the entire time.</p>
<p>“Alec?”</p>
<p>Alec head snaps up and he realizes he had been staring blindly down at his menu, caught up with daydreaming about him and Magnus sightseeing around Europe or Magnus sprawled out on the sand in somewhere more tropical-</p>
<p>“I’ve been calling you for half a minute now.” Lydia says. At her light chuckle, Alec allows himself to feel minimally less guilty for having apparently been ignoring her all this time.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry.” He apologies, “I just-”<br/>“What’s her name?” </p>
<p>Alec, stunned, furrows a brow in confusion, “What? Who?”</p>
<p>“The girl you're thinking of.” Lydia says with a roll of her eyes, as though this should have been obvious, “She must be amazing.” </p>
<p>Alec blinks.</p>
<p>“Yeah.” He says shortly, forcing a smile, “She is.”</p>
<p>The words feel so wrong coming out of his mouth.</p>
<p>“Our parents can be so clueless sometimes.” Lydia says, “I know you know what their intentions were, sending us out like this.”</p>
<p>Alec isn’t sure if he’s relieved or horrified, but he nods stiffly anyway.</p>
<p>Lydia sighs, and Alec realizes she sounds sympathetic, “I have someone, too, you know. His name is John. He’s… I know we’re both young, but I know he’s the one. My parents won’t hear anything of it, though. This is their second attempt at a more… <em>respectable </em>match for me.”</p>
<p>Relieved, Alec decides. He’s definitely relieved.</p>
<p>“You get it.” He says, and Lydia nods sympathetically. At least, she gets part of it. It’s enough that Alec doesn’t have to feel threatened by her presence anymore. She’s taken, and seems to have as little romantic interest in Alec as he does in her.</p>
<p>“Sometimes I think that all they care about is their dream of me marrying the right person and taking over the business from them.” Lydia says, “And I love John. I really do. But sometimes I think it might just be easier to do what they want.”</p>
<p>Alec stares at his hands on the table in front of him. </p>
<p>“I won’t force you to make a decision.” Lydia says quietly, “But… we get along well. We’re compatible. If things don’t work out with your girl… maybe it might be worth it. To give… <em>this </em>… a shot?”</p>
<p>Alec thinks he’s going to be sick, but a small part of him -the part that he has been shoving into the dark ever since Magnus appeared in his life- rears forward at Lydia’s suggestion. </p>
<p>He can imagine it, if he tries hard enough. He can picture a life with Lydia. Perhaps he won’t be happy, but does happiness really need to be an ultimate goal? Is it enough to be safe? To be secure? Lydia would afford him those things. His parents would be proud of him. </p>
<p>“Maybe.” He says eventually, an answer to Lydia’s question, “Maybe it will.” </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Eleven</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>There is smut in this chapter, for anyone that would like to skip it. It ends at the line break.</p></blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alec’s heart skips a beat to the sound of Magnus’ bedroom door closing shut behind them. He reminds himself that his nerves are unfounded. He’s been here before, of course. But never like this. He is suddenly very aware of just how out of his depth he actually is, and spins around to face Magnus thinking that he should maybe say <em>something </em>, even though he knows that any attempt at words will likely end badly on his part. He comes face to face with Magnus standing right behind him, a brow raised as he, very deliberately, twists the lock on the bedroom door, sealing them off from the outside world.</p><p>“What do you want?” Magnus asks again, and Alec swallows thickly. There are too many of his deepest fantasies and most desperate desires to pull from right then, amassed over the years of having visualized every possible version of this moment, and Alec's brain is practically mush under the weight of Magnus’ gaze, the earnestly of his question, and the tiniest hint of desire reflected in his eyes as Alec darts his tongue out to lick at suddenly dry lips.</p><p>“I’ve never done… any of this before.” Alec says, a bit of a warning that he feels it is necessary to give. He does not look away, though he very much wants to for the faint blush that creeps up the back of his neck at the admission. It has never before been something Alec has felt the need to be self conscious about, and yet he still feels now as if he should be. But there is no judgement emitting from Magnus, not that that fact should surprise him. Magnus would never judge him. Not for this, or for anything.</p><p>“I want whatever you do.” Alec says honestly. He trusts Magnus implicitly, always has, and Alec knows that there is not a single person in the world he would rather have this moment with. Wherever Magnus leads him, Alec will happily follow. Alec’s breath catches as Magnus steps forward and cradles Alec’s face like he is something to be treasured. Alec allows his hands to sweep up the side of Magnus’ thighs to rest lightly on his waist, and then his eyes are fluttering shut as Magnus leans in and captures his lips with a soft exhale. </p><p>They collapse together onto the bed, breathless laughter escaping through their slightly too frenzied and uncoordinated clash of teeth and tongue as they struggle to undress each other. While clothing, and pretty much anything else, can pass easily through the cord that is their Soulmate mark, no part of Alec or Magnus’ body can. And so it takes a considerable amount of trial and error to navigate their movements around it, at one point both of them collapsing into a fit of giggles that gets cut off with a sharp gasp on Alec’s part, as Magnus’ thigh brushes <em>just right </em>against the front of Alec’s jeans. </p><p>“Fuck.” He groans, head falling back against the pillows. Magnus, noting the reaction to what had probably been an accidental move on his part, smirks wickedly and takes full advantage of it- purposely angling himself at just the right angle to repeat what he had been doing earlier. And Alec is sure that he’s about to lose his mind, having thought that the feeling of it before couldn’t have possibly been any better, but <em>yes it definitely could </em>, and this is it. Magnus has more purchase this way, laying down on top of him, and-</p><p>“God, Magnus-” Alec gasps, unable to stop himself pressing upwards and chasing the friction, too little where both of them are still fully clothed but still too much, because it is <em>Magnus </em>, rutting against him like both of their lives depend on it, hands grasping at whatever purchase they can find on each other’s bodies through their states of partial undress. Magnus leans in closer, mouthing across Alec’s neck.</p><p>Finally, just when Alec thinks he will be lost to the pleasurable frustration of doing this through <em>two </em>pairs of jeans, Magnus pants into Alec's mouth, “These need to come off.” </p><p>And Alec doesn’t think he has ever agreed with a statement more. Magnus hooks his thumbs into Alec’s jeans and his briefs, glancing back up at Alec with a questioning look; seeking permission, still. Alec bites at his bottom lip but manages to nod, and Magnus wastes no more time sitting up and yanking the offending articles of clothing off of Alec’s body, tossing it carelessly onto the ground. Magnus sits back so he is straddling Alec’s thighs, gazing down at him with a look of barely concealed <em>need.</em></p><p>“You’re so beautiful.” Magnus tells him, and Alec flushes deep red under the appraisal. He thinks back to all the times he has imagined this exact moment, and all the ways he has tried to comprehend what it might feel like to actually experience it. He concludes that nothing his imagination had managed to create could beat the reality that it now presents. It’s not even close. </p><p>“So are you.” Alec says, his voice rough, and then casts a pointed glance downwards, “Possibly more so, if you took <em>your </em>clothes off too.”</p><p>Magnus smirks, but obliges without a word. He swings off of the bed in a move that shouldn't be nearly as graceful as it is, and Alec is about to complain that he is taking too long to <em>return </em>when he realizes that Magnus is purposely dragging this out, teasing him. And even though it is a show being put on for him, Alec still flushes. Though he cannot take his eyes off of Magnus. Magnus is <em>breathtaking </em>and Alec watches him greedily, his eyes lingering over every inch of golden skin as Magnus strips himself of each layer of fabric, bit by bit. </p><p>When he finally climbs back onto the bed, Alec surges upwards to capture Magnus’ lips in a hard kiss, hoping it conveys the full extent of what he's feeling, and how much he <em>craves</em> this with every fiber of his being. Their cocks align between them, and Magnus’ tongue in Alec’s mouth mimics the slow drag of his hips, a tantalizing rhythm that sends Alec spiraling into ecstasy.</p><p>Alec is growing impatient, and, unwilling to be outdone, in a move that surprises even himself, flips them over so that Magnus is on his back and staring back up at Alec with wide, stunned eyes. He blinks rapidly a few times, and Alec watches as Magnus’ eyes darken with the realization of their newest position, his lips parting slightly and a soft rush of breath escaping him as Alec leans up on his haunches and reaches forward, gripping Magnus’ cock firmly in his hand.</p><p>Magnus’ hips jolt upwards, a litany of curses forced out of him. Alec acts on instinct, a mix of both what he knows feels good for <em>him </em>, and, cataloguing Magnus’ reactions to each shift of his hand, slowly begins to adjust to what <em>really </em>gets Magnus going. </p><p>“Alec- Alexander.” Magnus groans, and Alec decides that he <em>really </em>likes this. He likes, specifically, seeing Magnus struggling not to fall apart under Alec’s own ministrations. He likes seeing Magnus’ eyes roll back in his head for each swipe of Alec’s thumb over his cockhead.</p><p>“Lube.” Magnus says, a pleading request, “Drawer. Top right corner.” </p><p>Alec, though reluctant to pull away from Magnus even for a brief moment, goes as directed. Magnus, with the reprieve he is given from Alec’s hand off of him, props himself up onto his elbows and watches as Alec fishes around in the drawer. He finds the bottle of lube easily, stumbling over what he should do with it for a second before he hands it over to Magnus.</p><p>“I, very unfortunately, don’t have condoms.” Magnus says, and he sounds so genuinely mournful that Alec has to huff out a laugh, “But that still leaves us with… many other enjoyable options.”</p><p>“Anything you want, Magnus.” Alec tells him, leaning down to nuzzle against his neck, “I just want you.”</p><p>“Well, this is your first time.” Magnus argues, though there is no heat behind it, “I want you to enjoy it.”</p><p>Alec does laugh at that, “Magnus. What part of this-” He asks, reaching down to palm at his cock and immediately regretting it for the sharp twinge of pleasure that runs through him at the touch, “Looks to you as though I’m not enjoying it.”</p><p>Magnus huffs, but he is smiling as he sits up fully and uncaps the bottle of lube, squirting a generous amount onto his palm and then discarding the bottle at his side, “You know what I mean.”</p><p>“I do.” Alec admits, his voice low and rough as he watches Magnus slick his hands, “And what I want, is for you to stop overthinking, and just- <em>fuck, Magnus, fuck- </em>”</p><p>Alec’s train of thought and whatever words he had meant to latch on to the end of that sentence are lost to him, as Magnus reaches down to wrap a now slick hand around Alec’s cock and drags his closed fist up from the base to the head.</p><p><em>"Magnus." </em>Alec says, his head falling forward, “Oh, God.”</p><p>“Just do that?” Magnus teases, though there is an unmistakable hitch in his voice that lets Alec know that Magnus is just as affected as he is. And fuck if that doesn't only make him come more undone. Alec cracks open his eyes, which had fallen closed at some point between then and Magnus getting his hand on him, to see that Magnus is also stroking over himself with the hand not on Alec.</p><p>Oh, the small part of Alec’s brain that is capable of thought realizes, that explains the excess of lube. Pushing through the haze that has become his state of mind, Alec bats Magnus’ hand away from his  cock and moves so he is hovering over him again, bracing himself on one hand placed at the side of Magnus’ head and the other replacing Magnus’ around his shaft. </p><p>“You <em>are </em>a fast learner.” Magnus praises, angling his head for a kiss that Alec happily gives into. It takes Alec a moment to recall the relevance of the statement, a repetition of what he had said earlier that day, and then he is struggling to both laugh and kiss Magnus and most of all <em>think </em>through the attack that this is on each one of his senses. </p><p>There is no more talking or teasing comments thrown after that; neither of them can manage it. They focus their energies instead on kisses that become just the right side of too rough very quickly, teeth clashing as their thrusting into each other’s hands grows more and more frantic. There is quite a lot of <em>Oh, God’s </em>and <em>Fuck’s </em>and several uttering of each other’s names, and then Alec feels that familiar tightening coiled deep within him. </p><p>“Magnus,” He tries to say, and it comes out as little more than a whimper, “I’m close.”</p><p>“Right there with you, darling.” Magnus says. </p><p>A few more thrusts, and Alec is coming. He spills over Magnus’ fist and watches with a blasted out groan as ropes of pearly white fall onto Magnus’ chest. Then his gaze flickers back up to Magnus’ face -his eyes screwed together tightly, lips parted, head thrown back- and Alec twists his fist around Magnus’ cock once more, brushing a thumb across his head. Magnus arches up with a shout of Alec’s name as he comes, deflating back onto the bed once he is done with a sated sigh. </p><p><em>“Magnus."</em> Alec whispers, collapsing down next to him, “Fuck.”</p><p>Alec’s limbs feel like jello, still basking in the afterglow of his orgasm.</p><p>Next to him, Magnus, smiling wide, gives a barely audible attempt at a laugh, “Yeah. <em>Fuck. </em>”</p>
<hr/><p>It is several minutes before either of them come back to themselves enough to speak, and Magnus is the one to break the silence first. He shifts slightly so he is laying on his side, cringing a bit for the mess they have made that Alec thinks they should probably get up soon to take care of. Though he is in absolutely no rush, as perfect as this moment -messy though they are- is.</p><p>“What are you thinking of?” He murmurs, reaching up to toy with the shorter hairs at the back of Alec’s head. </p><p>“You.” Alec replies honestly, “I’m always thinking about you.”</p><p>Magnus uses his grip on Alec’s hair to turn his head at the right angle for him to start mouthing a line up his jaw, “What about me?” </p><p>Alec doesn’t reply immediately, instead moving enough that he can recapture Magnus’ mouth with his own; they haven’t kissed in several minutes, far too long, and Alec has two years worth of lost time to make up for and only fifteen or so hours left to do it. He’s not sure how long it goes on for - neither of them seem to be any particular rush to end it. When they finally do break apart, Alec offers a small, wistful smile and an answer to Magnus' question:</p><p>“Running away with you.”</p><p>Magnus presses his face into the crook of Alec’s neck, inhaling steadily. Alec wishes they could stay here, forever, in this little bubble that they have created. Fifteen hours no longer seems like a lot of time to him, the way it might have just this morning. Now, no length of time with Magnus seems to be enough. Alec wants <em>all </em>of it. <em>Everything. </em> </p><p>Alec doesn’t regret what they just did. But he understands now what Magnus had meant when he said it was a bad idea.</p><p>“Let’s do it.” Magnus says, and Alec is mercifully pulled out of his thoughts.</p><p>“I wish we could.” He says softly. And he can imagine it. He can imagine that and so much more with Magnus.</p><p>“No, Alec… let’s do it.” Magnus says again, more fervently this time. He pulls back just enough that he can look into Alec’s eyes, and Alec realizes that Magnus is actually being serious.</p><p>“Magnus-” </p><p>“Let’s go into the city. It’s only a couple hours away.”</p><p>“Exactly!” Alec points out. However the insanity of what Magnus is proposing is quickly fading away without much need for encouragement. Something akin to excitement begins to stir inside of Alec, but he ignores it. One of them has to be the responsible one.</p><p>“We can’t just run off to the city, Magnus. It’s late, and-”</p><p>“And we still have several hours to go before our Soulmate mark wears off, and everything goes back to what it was like before. Let’s make the most of it.”</p><p>The sharp reminder that<em> this </em>isn’t real, as much as Alec wants it to be, and only lasts as long as the ticking clock that is their Soulmate mark does, drags Alec fully out of their bubble with a reluctant sigh.</p><p>Magnus strokes the side of his face and leans in to kiss him again. It’s nothing more than a chaste press of his lips to Alec’s, but when he pulls back, there is that familiar spark in his eye and the twitch to the corner of his mouth that has Alec’s body rising from its spot before his brain has even caught up with the program.</p><p>“You’re insane.” He tells Magnus, “You know that?”</p><p>Magnus grins and follows him up, “You love me anyway.” </p><p>The moment the words are out of his mouth, Alec sees the regret at saying them settling in over Magnus’ features. His smile drops just a bit, and Alec is quick to move over to him and wrap his arms around his waist, pulling him in closer.</p><p>“Yeah,” He says, and something <em>clicks</em> inside of him, “I do.”</p><p>Magnus smiles longingly, “I’m going to miss hearing you say that.” </p><p>“Then I’ll never stop saying it.” </p><p>“Alexander-”</p><p>“I’ll never stop <em>meaning </em>it.” Alec amends for the moment. He holds Magnus’ gaze until he nods, slowly, and Alec finally releases him.</p><p>Magnus catches his hand to stop him walking off, “I love you, too, Alexander.” </p><p><em>It’s almost like you’re a real couple, </em>he taunts himself, but he ignores it.</p><p>“Shower?” Magnus murmurs in question. Alec nods and allows himself to be dragged into the bathroom. Magnus accepts Alec’s proffered hand -though he rolls his eyes at it, grumbling something about not needing assistance to get into the shower. His complaints are lost as Alec presses him back against the tile. Magnus’ low gasp for its coldness swallowed by Alec’s mouth on his.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Twelve</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The 'reference to pop culture' tag comes into play here so, small notes:<br/>I mention the Olivia/Joshua/Sabrina thing from about a month ago in this chapter. Don't worry if you have no idea what that's about. It doesn't impact the plot and is really only included as filler (and because I am American pop-culture trash).<br/>Basically, this girl named Olivia wrote a song about a singer, Sabrina Carpenter, and her relationship with Olivia's ex-boyfriend. It was a whole Thing for a few weeks.<br/>Another scene is inspired by an episode of Glee, because I loved that scene and needed to include it into a fic about spontaneous trips to NYC somehow :)</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Sometime later, they stand in Magnus’ room; Alec is already dressed in his jeans and one of Magnus’ shirts and Magnus is still going through his closet -dragging Alec behind him- for something to wear himself.</p><p>“Izzy?” Magnus guesses, watching as Alec holds his phone up to his ear. Alec nods, about to make a comment about Magnus knowing him too well when the call goes through and Izzy answers.</p><p>“How’s your library date with Magnus?”</p><p>Alec’s brows pull down in confusion, “What?”  </p><p>“...Your library date? For your project? The one about Soulmates?” Izzy explains. Alec’s eyes widen, remembering. Fuck, that almost feels like an entire lifetime ago. So much has happened since then.</p><p>“Right! Yeah, it’s… good. We’re good. We’re um, actually heading to Magnus’ place right now to finish up there. I’m probably gonna spend the night there or something.” Alec rambles, “Actually, that’s why I called you. Are mom and dad at home?”</p><p>“I wouldn’t know, but-”</p><p>“Wait what?” Alec interrupts. He checks his phone and sees that it’s almost 7pm, “Where are you? Where’s Simon?”</p><p>“He’s right here.” Izzy says, and Alec can’t see her, but he is aware just from the tone of her voice that she is rolling her eyes at him, “But I was going to say, mom and dad are probably still at the office and won’t be back till really late, and Jace is still with Clary, as usual. They never know when I sneak out-”</p><p>“You sneak out?” Alec demands, “Izzy!”</p><p>“Oh, calm down.” Izzy placates him, “My point is that you can stay over at Magnus’. Just be back tomorrow morning and they won’t know a thing.”</p><p>“Where are you?” Alec asks again, realizing that Izzy never actually answered that question. </p><p>“I’m going to Simon’s place.” </p><p><em>"Simon’s place? </em>” </p><p>That catches Magnus’ attention, Alec notes as he sees him look up. Alec suddenly regrets that he asked anything at all.</p><p>“Oh.” He says dumbly. There is a long moment of silence in which Magnus finally seems to pick something and begins putting it on- another 10-15 minute ordeal if Alec knows him at all, and that doesn’t even factor in makeup-</p><p>“Are you still there, big brother? Or have I broken you?” Izzy giggles. Fucking <em>giggles </em>. Magnus’ shoulders are shaking with silent laughter and Alec glares at him, which only makes him laugh harder.</p><p>“You just told me that you’re staying at Magnus’” Izzy begins in an exasperated tone, “Why’s this any different?”</p><p><em>Because it is </em>, Alec wants to grumble. But he knows that it isn’t and takes a deep breath to stop himself saying anything else. He trusts Izzy, and he trusts Simon. He had not, he realizes, given adequate attention to the question of whether or not he trusted them <em>together </em>.</p><p>“You can relax.” Izzy continues, “We’re just gonna go play that game Simon was talking about earlier.”</p><p>Alec really doesn’t need any more explanations, whatever they are, because the knowledge of her going to Simon's place is more than enough. He is about to say this to Izzy, but then there’s the sound of commotion and what sounds like a whispered argument on the other end of the phone before, finally, Simon’s voice comes through:</p><p>“Alec, this isn’t what it sounds like.” He says quickly, “I mean- Izzy’s here, but we’re not- I didn’t invite her over for-”</p><p>“Simon.” Alec interrupts, squeezing his eyes shut, “I’m going to hang up the phone now. And we’re never going to talk about this again.”</p><p>He hears his sister burst out in laughter as Simon makes a wounded noise, “Alec, I swear-”</p><p>“Good-bye Simon.” </p><p>From besides him, Magnus yells, “Use protection, kids!”</p><p>Alec presses the end call button and throws the phone down, staring between it and Magnus in horror. </p><p>“Why?” He moans to no one in particular, his head falling into his hands.</p><p>“Oh, relax.” Magnus comforts him, the humor he finds in this situation still coloring his tone, “How much trouble could they possibly get up to?”</p><p>“Magnus.” Alec pleads.</p><p>“Oh what are you so grumpy about? Your plan worked. You should be <em>happy. </em>” Magnus says matter of factly. He rolls his eyes and settles in front of his vanity.</p><p>Alec tugs at his own hair and groans, “That doesn’t mean I wanted to know- <em>that </em>!”</p><p>Magnus only laughs.</p><p>“Whatever.” Alec grumbles, “How long are you going to take? We really should be getting on the road sometime soon-”</p><p>“Alexander, perfection takes time.” Magnus lectures. Alec sighs and resigns himself to sitting there and watching Magnus. It seems like a more than adequate trade.</p><p>From where Magnus' phone rests atop the vanity, it lights up with a message alert. Alec busies himself with reading through the names of Magnus' rather impressive collection of nail polish collection, about to make some comment about how most of the color names are either entirely made up or the same shade as something else, when Magnus snorts and raises his phone up for Alec to see as well.</p><p><strong>Iz:</strong> What have you done to my brother?</p><p><strong>Iz:</strong> Skipping school and spending the night at your place?</p><p><strong>Iz:</strong> Is there something I should know Magnus?</p><p>The color drains from Alec's face as he reads through the barrage of incoming questions from Izzy, "Don't say an-"</p><p>But it's too late. By the time Alec has made to grab the phone out of Magnus' hand, Magnus has selected a wink emoji and hit <em>send.</em></p><p>Izzy replies with an all caps jumble of random letters and many heart eye emojis, and Alec stifles his groan as his head falls into his hand.</p><p> </p><p>When they finally get into the car, Alec glances over at Magnus and promptly knocks Magnus's hand away as he reaches towards the stereo.</p><p>"What are you doing?" He asks, "You're not in charge of music."</p><p>Magnus huffs, "Alec-"</p><p>"You're not forcing me to listen to Taylor Swift-”</p><p>“I wasn’t even gonna play Taylor Swift-”</p><p>“-Or whatever other pop artist you've newly become obsessed with for three hours, Magnus."</p><p>A long moment of silence goes by where Alec gets concerned. Magnus never lets go of an argument this quickly. Sure enough, when he risks a glance towards him, Magnus is staring at him with his signature wide eyes and slightly pouty lips; Magnus knew him too well, and he knew that Alec could never deny him anything, especially not when he looked at him like <em>that.</em></p><p>"...Please?" </p><p>Anything except this, Alec decides, determined to stand his ground.</p><p>"No." he says, setting his mouth into a firm line and turning onto the road.</p><hr/><p>About three hours later, they cross the <em>Welcome to New York City </em>sign and Alec, the space between his brows creased with a frown, grips the steering wheel of his car and shakes his head as much as he can manage without running off the road while still conveying the full extent of his incredulity at the situation.</p><p>"You're telling me," He starts, glancing at Magnus, "That he just left her for this other girl?" </p><p>"Yes!" Magnus confirms, "After promising her that he would wait for her."</p><p>"That's fucking awful." Alec says vehemently.</p><p>"And in Sabrina's response-"</p><p>"There's <em>more!? </em>" Alec demands, immediately urging Magnus, "She <em>responded? </em>Magnus! Play it!"</p><p>Magnus throws his head back in laughter but does as he is asked quickly enough. As he scrolls through his considerably lengthy playlist to find the song, he says, "I need food. We haven't really had anything since lunch and the chips I grabbed at the gas station, and you've worn me out considerably."</p><p><em>"Me? </em>" Alec splutters, "I wore you out?"</p><p>Magnus levels him with a look.</p><p>"I surely didn't hear any complaints from you." Alec points out, finding it ridiculous that he still blushes just from the reminder of what they had done.</p><p>Magnus, however, preens in his seat, clearly satisfied in both himself <em>and </em>the reminder.</p><p>"That's because there are none." He says with a smug smirk that Alec cannot help but smile at, "But you still need to feed me."</p><p>Magnus hits play and Alec rolls his eyes as the song starts up.</p><p>"Find us somewhere." He says, "And then you can tell me more about this Jonah guy-"</p><p>"His name is Joshua-"</p><p>"His name doesn't matter. He's a jerk. Now <em>shhh."</em></p><hr/><p>After they have gorged themselves on authentic city pizza of which they only have poor substitutes for back home, they eventually land outside of the Gershwin theater, because of course they do. This, Alec supposes, is the New York City equivalent of the café back in Alicante; it is their spot, theirs to come back to no matter how long they stay away or what forces keep them apart.</p><p>Magnus looks up at him, and then back at the theater, with a mischievous glint in his eye that instantly catches Alec’s attention.</p><p>“Uh oh.” He says, already preparing himself for whatever elaborate scheme Magnus is developing, “I know that look.”</p><p>“I don’t have a look.” Magnus argues. Alec rolls his eyes.</p><p>“What is it?”</p><p>“We should go in.” Magnus says, as though that statement were a perfectly rational one to make. When Alec does not immediately respond, Magnus points at the theater to be extra clear.</p><p>“Magnus,” Alec sighs, “We cannot break into the Gershwin theater.”</p><p>“Of course we can.” Magnus chirps, “No one’s there tonight.”</p><p>“Besides Security!”</p><p>“I’ve been here so many times.” Magnus insists, “I promise we won’t get caught. Make the most of the day, right?”</p><p>Alec still hesitates, even as his feet take a subconscious step in the direction that Magnus is pulling him. Breaking into a theater and subsequently getting caught and arrested is certainly not in Alec’s plan for <em>making the most of the night.</em></p><p>“Magnus…”</p><p>“Just imagine.” Magnus implores, placing a palm flat over Alec’s heart and another extended towards the theater, “Standing there. In front of that audience-”</p><p>“There is no audience.”</p><p><em>"Imagine, </em>Alexander.” Magnus complains with an exasperated huff, “On the stage of the Gershwin Theater, home to one of the most-”</p><p>“Iconic Broadway shows of our generation.” Alec finishes, having heard this speech and its many iterations a multitude of times before.</p><p>Magnus scowls at him, but Alec thinks that his impression of Magnus was quite satisfactory.</p><p>“Besides.” Alec says, “Standing in front of thousands of people is more your thing than mine.”</p><p>Magnus raises a brow as if Alec has just found the answer to his own concerns. And, Alec sighs for how fucking putty he is in Magnus’ hands, he supposes he has.</p><hr/><p>The auditorium is just as imposing as Alec remembers it; perhaps even more so now, for the fact that it is entirely empty save for him and Magnus standing at the top of it. Alec admits that he had partially expected them to get caught, and he is still stunned that they had made it this far. Despite the fact that Magnus had explained that security isn’t typically as high when no shows are on, he now seems to be just as shocked as Alec is that they had succeeded.</p><p>“Are you going to go down, or not?” Alec says in slight jest, keeping his voice low for fear that someone still might appear from the shadows to arrest them.</p><p>Magnus startles as though he had completely forgotten all about Alec’s presence behind him.</p><p>“I… didn’t think we’d make it.” Magnus admits slowly. He looks back at Alec, and Alec knows him well enough to recognize the trepidation on his face. Alec, surprising even himself, shakes his head and takes Magnus’ hand.</p><p>“We’re going down.” </p><p>They begin their descent, Alec tugging Magnus after him down the many flights of stairs and towards the stage. When they are about halfway, Alec’s heart racing from both apprehension and adrenaline, there is a booming voice that yells out behind them and almost startles him out of his own skin. </p><p>Alec swears under his breath and turns, slowly. Sure enough, a man with stitched <em>Security</em> on the breast of his shirt makes his way towards them. He narrows his eyes at their still joined hands, but says nothing.</p><p>“You’re not supposed to be in here.” </p><p>“I-I- We’re-”</p><p>“Extras!” Magnus blurts out, saving Alec having to think of something himself, “We’re being fitted.”</p><p>The Guard studies them, and looks around the otherwise empty auditorium with an unimpressed expression, "At almost 11pm?"</p><p>"Performers never sleep." Magnus says diplomatically, though Alec feels his fingers flex just the tiniest bit from where it is enclosed in Alec's hand.</p><p>"Word of advice," The guard drawls, looking between the two of them, "If you're going to be an actor, and you really want to get yourself on a stage, you need to be better at selling your story."</p><p>Magnus' gaze flickers to Alec, and Alec isn't sure what's about to happen to them nor does he trust this man any great deal. He's about to say that they'll just leave and there's no need to get any actual law enforcement involved lest he give his parents even <em>more</em> reason to kill him when he eventually gets back to Alicante, when the Guard drops his head with a deep sigh, and promptly turns on his heels, "I'll be back here in ten minutes. The two of you will be gone."</p><p>Magnus' other hand slaps over their joint ones, gripping a bit too hard and Alec tries not to wince for it. An easy task, considering the way that Magnus looks like he's about to jump out of himself for his excitement and disbelief. The guard strolls lazily back up the staircase and ignores them. Magnus turns to Alec, his eyes sparkling.</p><p>“Come on!” He urges, running ahead. Alec allows himself to be pulled, and then Magnus is bringing them both to a stop in the middle of the stage, staring up at an imaginary audience with a look of awe and contentment settling over his features. </p><p>“Alexander.” He sighs, his eyes fluttering closed. </p><p>Alec cannot help but smile for how happy he looks. He’s about to comment, say something about how Magnus belongs on a stage, when he sees Magnus reaching into his pocket for something that causes Alec’s breath to catch when he sees it.</p><p>"You brought it with you?" Alec asks.</p><p>Magnus looks at him as though the suggestion of not having it with him is insane, "Of course I did."</p><p>Alec softens as Magnus grips the Omamori charm tightly in both hands, holding it close to his chest.</p><p>"You don't need it, you know." Alec says softly.</p><p>Magnus looks back at him with his brows furrowed, "What?"</p><p>"Luck." Alec explains, "You don't need it. You're gonna get this, and everything else. You're brilliant."</p><p>Magnus’ mouth falls open as though he’s about to say something, but then it quickly snaps shut again as he seems to change his mind. Alec doesn’t ask. He’s pretty sure they’re both thinking the exact same thing.</p><hr/><p>“I can’t believe I convinced you to do this.” Magnus sighs, settling back against Alec in the spacious bath of the ornate hotel room they have found themselves in.</p><p>Alec hums against his neck, nipping lightly at the spot his lips have been pressing gentle kisses to for the past several minutes.</p><p>“Which part of it?” He asks, “Running away with you? Breaking into the theater? Stealing my parent’s money to get us this ridiculously overpriced hotel room overlooking the city?”</p><p>“All of it.” Magnus replies, sweeping his hands out and down over Alec’s legs, causing the water to shift around them just a bit, “This day was perfect.”</p><p>“You’re perfect.” Alec corrects, “Everything you touch just follows suit.”</p><p>“Yourself included?”</p><p>Alec flushes, and bites harder at Magnus’ neck in rebuttal. He earns himself a lazy attempt at a swat that does little more than tickle against his skin. </p><p>“Do we have to go back?” Magnus murmurs in question. </p><p>“We could just stay here forever.” Alec says after a long moment has passed, and he isn't surprised to realize that he would, if Magnus really asked it of him, “Just you and me.”</p><p>“Sounds like a dream.” </p><p>It is ridiculously late. It had been close to 3am when they’d both stumbled into this bath, both for wanting to be clean before passing out on the equally grand bed <em>and </em>for wanting to make use of the bath before they went to sleep and ran the risk of one -or both- of Alec’s parents coming to the city to find them and dragging them out before they had done so.</p><p>Magnus snuggles closer to him still, and Alec laughs through asking him just <em>how </em>close he would like to be. Magnus grumbles something unintelligible that Alec doesn’t bother asking him to repeat. Magnus is only barely tethering that line between sleep and wake and he’s about to slip completely. And, Alec thinks with a yawn, he's not far from following suit himself. That bed had looked <em>really</em> inviting. </p><p>“Let’s go to sleep, then.” Alec says, tapping his leg and urging him to stand so they could dry off, “You can dream up the rest of our lives together and tell me all about it in the morning.”</p><p>Alec has many things that he wants to say, he realizes as he catches a glimpse of his and Magnus’ reflections in the mirror.</p><p>They can all wait. Right now, all he wants to do is to curl up with Magnus in their bed and go to sleep.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0013"><h2>13. June, Sophomore Year</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alec has not stopped thinking about Lydia even after he sees her off to the airport with her parents two days later. She places her hand over his in a simple gesture, giving Alec a look that tells him she has not forgotten their conversation, as much as Alec had hoped she would have.</p>
<p>It is the longest he has gone without seeing Magnus, having spent Lydia’s entire trip with her practically being pushed onto him at any and every given opportunity. Robert came to Alec after they had left and swung an arm around his shoulders. Alec ignored Jace and Izzy exchanging confused glances, but he still tenses under the heavy and imposing arm around him. His father had never been big on physical touch and Alec could count on one hand the amount of times he had even been in close enough proximity to Robert to be held in any way. Robert’s touch does not feel comforting the way Alec thinks a father’s touch should. It is cold and unsettling and Alec wants to be rid of it as soon as it touches him.</p>
<p>“She’s great, isn’t she?” Robert asks with a knowing smirk, either unaware of his son’s turmoil or purposely ignoring it. Alec is sure, given past experiences with his father, that it is the former. But he would not be shocked if it were the latter.</p>
<p>Still, the last thing Alec wants to do is rock the delicate balance of this edge he has found himself precariously perched upon. Alec tries his very best to appear as though he and Robert are on mutual ground as he replies, “She is.”</p>
<p>It's not a <em>lie</em> really, he tells himself. Lydia <em>is</em> great. She is smart and interesting.</p>
<p>“And she comes from a good family. I hope the two of you take the time to get to know each other better.”</p>
<p>Alec thinks back to Lydia’s words. When he looks at his siblings, they have equal expressions of confusion as they watch him. Alec turns away quickly. </p>
<p>“Yeah.” Alec says. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Fourteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Smut again :). You'll be able to tell where it starts, and it ends at the line break.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alec comes awake slowly, to light filtering in through the blinds of the room. He blinks the remnants of sleep out of his eyes and reluctantly opens them fully, to find Magnus wide awake and staring right at him. </p><p>For a moment, when Alec’s brain has not yet fully woken up and the memories of their shared day are dormant, Alec panics. It’s a brief sensation that immediately gives over to warmth spreading through his chest as it all comes rushing back to him. Magnus reaches out and brushes a strand of hair out of his face, placing a delicate kiss against the top of his head.</p><p>
  <em>Soulmates.</em>
</p><p>“Hello.” Magnus says.</p><p>Alec smiles, “So yesterday wasn’t a dream then?”</p><p>“Do you want it to be?” Magnus asks. He’s teasing, but Alec still hears that undercurrent of uncertainty and shakes his head quickly to assuage any fear Magnus might have.</p><p>“Never.” </p><p>Magnus’ smile for him is wide, and Alec decides that there is wholly too much space between them on the bed. He reaches out just far enough to grip Magnus’ wrist and pull him down so that he isn’t propped up on his elbows and Alec can now pull him into his arms. The moment his hand circles Magnus’ wrist, however, bitter realization hits him. </p><p>“Oh.” He breathes, “Twenty-four hours is up.”</p><p>“A few hours ago.” Magnus confirms. His voice is soft, not any happier about the discovery than Alec is, though he had clearly already been aware, “We slept right through it. It’s almost 2pm.”</p><p>Realization sinks in and Alec flings a hand over his face, groaning. He knows, without even having to check, that he’s more than likely slept through calls from his parent’s and Izzy and probably even Jace, once his brother has removed himself far enough from Clary to think clearly again. He reluctantly reaches out for his phone on the nightstand, and sure enough he has almost ten missed calls and a bunch of messages from Izzy.</p><p>“They’re going to kill me when we get back.” Alec groans, not sure if he’s talking about his parents or Izzy. </p><p>Probably mostly Izzy.</p><p>He sends her a message that simply says ‘I'm alive, will explain everything when I get back.’ </p><p>And truthfully, he should have known that Izzy would not have simply left it at that. </p><p>His phone rings just a couple of seconds after and he glances at Magnus, who offers no help and only raises a brow, spreading his palm out flat on Alec’s chest. </p><p>Alec sighs, resigning himself to his fate, and answers it.</p><p>“Alec! Where the fuck are you!”</p><p>“Hello to you, too, Izzy.” He says dryly. </p><p>From Izzy’s end of the phone, he hears Jace ask “Is that Alec?”</p><p>Izzy covers the speaker so her voice is muffled as she responds, and then she says, her voice rising angrily with every word, “I’m serious, Alec. Mom and Dad are livid. You take a bunch of money out of your bank account and disappear into the night without so much as a call. What’s going on? This isn’t like you.” </p><p>“I’m fine-”</p><p>“I’m not feeling very fucking convinced right now, Alec.”</p><p>“If I tell you where I am, do you promise not to freak out?” He asks. Magnus is looking at him, his brows pulled down in concern. Izzy covers her speaker again and he waits, impatiently, until she comes back.</p><p>“I’ll decide after you tell me.” She says. </p><p>Alec, watching Magnus, prepares himself for Izzy’s outburst as he says, “I’m in Manhattan.”</p><p>There’s a pause. It goes on for long enough that Alec begins to think Izzy may not have heard him. Just as he is about to ask or perhaps repeat himself however, there is a scramble and a bit of static on the other end of the line, and then Jace’s voice is demanding:</p><p>“You’re <em>where? </em>” </p><p>Alec’s first instinct is to recoil, as accustomed as he is to being <em>the good one. </em>He understands his sibling’s surprise and their concern and he supposes that he could have given them a better heads up about what he had intended to do; but while he feels only a bit guilty for leaving them to cover for him without any real explanation as to what they were covering <em>for, </em>he finds that he does not regret any of it. </p><p>“I’m in Manhattan.” He says decidedly, “With Magnus.”</p><p>From the way that neither Jace nor Izzy responds, it is clear that they have both been stunned into silence. A rare feat, and one that Alec feels proud of himself for accomplishing.</p><p>“You’re with Magnus?” Jace repeats for clarity, “In Manhattan?”</p><p>“Yes, Jace.” Alec sighs, “And I’m safe, and fine. Actually, I’m more than fine.”</p><p>Alec is the best he has been in <em>years. </em>It is a feeling that not even the possibility of his parents’ wrath can take away. Alec reaches out to intertwine his fingers into Magnus’, and then pulls Magnus’ hands down to kiss the top of his knuckles in reassurance.</p><p>There is more low talking from his sibling’s end of the line. They’ve covered the speaker again. Alec lets them discuss. His decision is already made. When they finally come back on, it is Izzy who speaks.</p><p>“Alec?” She asks, “You’re okay?” </p><p>“Yeah.” He says, and for the first time he thinks that he truly means it, “I am.”</p><p>Izzy sighs, “We covered for you with mom and dad, about you not being home. We said that you’re working on your project with Magnus. But you’re going to have to figure out a way to explain the money coming out of your account yourself. I’m good enough to think of some things on the spot, but <em>that </em>surprised me.”</p><p>Alec chuckles lightly, “Thank you, Iz. Tell Jace that I apologize for taking his spot as the worst kid.”</p><p>“You could never be the worst anything, Alec.” Izzy rebuffs him, though her tone is gentle, “And no matter what, we’re here for you. Me and Jace. It’s the three of us, always.”</p><p>Alec hears it for what it is.</p>
<hr/><p>Alec closes the door behind the server, turning back to survey their combination lunch and breakfast just as Magnus walks out of the bathroom, hair damp and, unfortunately, clothed in a fluffy bathrobe that he ties loosely around his waist. Or maybe not so unfortunate, Alec thinks, for how <em>soft </em>and <em>content </em>Magnus looks, and the small smile he gives Alec when he catches him staring.</p><p>Unwilling to head back out into the world just yet, they had chosen to order in room service, rather than go out or even just downstairs to one of the hotel’s restaurants. They are both starving, with their last meal having been so long ago, and Magnus sighs happily as he joins Alec in the small dining area.</p><p>“It’s weird being away from you now.” Magnus admits as he sits down, “I kept imagining the phantom touch of the cord around my wrist, and being surprised when I looked down to find it wasn’t there.”</p><p>“It is going to take some time to get used to.” Alec says. </p><p>The metaphorical elephant in the room is uncomfortable, but they both ignore it to chat about other things; Magnus regals him with stories of him and his friends and of his mother, and all the other moments Alec had missed the past two years. Alec thinks, as he watches him, that he could never get tired of this. The decision he had been trying not to make all this time somehow seems so clear. How had he ever thought otherwise?</p><p>“I told you,” Magnus says as they settle a little while later onto the couch, when Alec refuses to believe that Annie missed his presence as much as Magnus claims, “She loves you more than me.”</p><p>“You know that’s not true.”</p><p>Magnus makes a noncommittal noise that Alec rolls his eyes at, and then moves to adjust so they are both more comfortable when Magnus decides to climb into Alec’s lap.</p><p>“Who were you talking to on the phone earlier?” Alec asks, a stray bit of curiosity popping up, “When I went to shower? Catarina?”</p><p>“Yes.” Magnus says, bending to nuzzle their noses together. He pulls back with a mischievous smirk and a teasing roll of his hips that has Alec’s hands moving to his hips to steady him, “She was very annoyed that I skipped school, and came to the city, without her. I only narrowly managed to convince her not to come looking for me so she could yell at me in person.”</p><p>Alec does laugh at that. He’s missed Catarina, he realizes. One of Magnus’ closest friends. And yes, he is thankful to Magnus for not having her come here right now. Alec has no doubt that Catarina absolutely would, and if she saw Alec she would take the opportunity to yell at him as well, for everything he had put Magnus through. </p><p>“Raphael is mad at you too.” Magnus says, almost conversationally. He pushes a strand of hair out of Alec’s face.</p><p>Alec’s resolve is crumbling fast and he doesn’t know why he stopped Magnus grinding against him in the first place. He releases his hold on him and Magnus grins victoriously, pecking his lips as a reward as he begins to move again. </p><p>“That isn’t surprising. He’s never liked me much.” Alec says, still trying to keep up some semblance of a conversation.</p><p>“That isn’t true.” Magnus disagrees, “He’s just perpetually grumpy.” </p><p>“I have a lot of apologizing to do.” Alec notes. Magnus’ movements are not like yesterday’s had been. These are lazy, dragging out the slow buildup of pleasure in both of them. Alec runs a hand up over Magnus’ thighs and over his ass, squeezing gently and earning himself another kiss.</p><p>“Insatiable.” Alec teases him, “Are you not worn out from yesterday?”</p><p>“Are you?” Magnus asks with a pointed twist of his wrist that undoes the knot keeping Alec’s robe together, leaving his hardening cock on full display. Alec hisses out on a low breath as Magnus takes him into a loose grip.</p><p>"I wanna do something." Magnus whispers, and Alec shivers for the feel of the words spoken right at his ear. He nods, because he doesn't trust his own voice to give a verbal response right then. He watches curiously as Magnus gently pushes him back until he is reclined into the couch, and then climbs to his feet. Alec is about to ask what he intends to do when Magnus, keeping eye contact, slowly sinks to his knees in between Alec’s spread legs, and Alec loses all cognitive ability past the word <em>fuck.</em></p><p>“I like this plan.” Alec breathes, “This is a good plan.”</p><p>Magnus winks at him, leaning in to lick up the length of his cock. He doesn’t look away from Alec and Alec struggles to stay upright and keep his own eyes open. He doesn’t want to miss even a second of this. This, he is sure, the sight of Magnus Bane on his knees in front of him, is what awaits those entering the gates of heaven. Magnus’ lips stretch around his head, and he sinks lower while keeping a hand wrapped around what he does not take into his mouth. Alec is <em>dying </em>, Magnus pulling filthy sounds out of him that he didn’t even know he was capable of making. Alec’s death is not something he has ever spent a significant amount of time dwelling on, but he thinks that if he does happen to die right then, it will have been more than worth it. He’s not sure when his hand ended up tangled in Magnus’ hair, but Magnus moans as he pulls lightly and the vibrations it sends through Alec’s entire body have him instantly on edge.</p><p>“Magnus-” He chokes off on a moan as Magnus does something with his tongue, “I’m- Fuck, you need to pull off-”</p><p>Magnus does not pull off, disregarding Alec’s warning by doubling down on his efforts and sucking <em>hard, </em>until Alec’s hips are rising up off of the couch and he is thrusting into Magnus’ mouth, unable to stop himself, and only barely restraining himself from going <em>too</em> hard.</p><p>Though Magnus takes it in stride. Alec loses himself as the euphoria of his orgasm crashes over him, desperately trying to catch his breath as he calms back down. The hand in Magnus’ hair loosens enough for him to pull back, and Alec watches as he -very deliberately- swallows, his adam's apple bobbing with the movement. Bringing a thumb up to his mouth, he swipes at the come that had managed to escape him and sucks on it. </p><p><em>"Fucking hell." </em>Alec swears, and he does allow his eyes to fall shut then, convinced that if he has to see anything more he really will die, “You- <em>fuck."</em></p><p>“Was that good?” Magnus teases. Alec cracks open one eye to see Magnus sitting back on his haunches with a cheeky smirk. </p><p>“I’m gonna do something for you.” Alec tells him, “When I’ve regained the ability to move, in a couple of minutes.”</p><p>Magnus stands, and falls back onto the couch next to Alec, “Take all the time you need, darling.”</p><p>And Alec knows without a single doubt in his mind. This is what he wants. There is no way he could ever go back to what they had been before.</p>
<hr/><p>After, as they lay together on the couch in a tangle of limbs, Alec tells him.</p><p>“I’m not leaving again.” He whispers, keeping his eyes closed where he is pressed tightly against Magnus' body.</p><p>He feels Magnus tense in his arms and there is a beat before Alec hears the feigned nonchalant chuckle, “Was the blowjob really that good?”</p><p>“Magnus.” </p><p>Magnus sighs, and then he is moving. Alec whines unhappily and attempts to pull him back down into his arms but Magnus pushes his hand away. Thankfully, he doesn’t go far, just enough that is sitting up and then urging Alec to do the same. He cups his face gently and shakes his head, his eyes sad but accepting. </p><p>“You don’t need to make me any promises, Alexander.” He says, and once again Alec is awed by the full extent of Magnus’ patience and understanding. Which isn’t to say that it isn’t annoying now, when Alec has already made his decision and needs Magnus to know, without any more doubt, that he means it.</p><p>“I’m doing it anyway.” Alec tells him, watching Magnus’ brows pull down for both lack of understanding and refusal to believe what he <em>thinks </em>he understands.</p><p>“I’m not leaving. Not this time. I’m staying with you, Magnus. I don’t care what my parents think.”</p><p>Magnus, however, is adamant. He takes Alec’s hand in his, “It’s okay. I won’t be upset. I knew-”</p><p>“Magnus.” Alec interrupts, trying to make Magnus see his sincerity, and knowing that he has a long way to go for doing so. He has given Magnus plenty reason to doubt him, “I am not leaving you.”</p><p>Alec had been prepared for Magnus to need lots of convincing, because he had fucked up and Magnus’ tendency for self deprecation went far, but what he hadn’t expected, was the crestfallen look Magnus gives him as he falls away, putting wholly too much distance between himself and Alec. Alec can practically see those well practiced walls of defense Magnus seems to always have at hand going up around him as he says, pained, “Please, <em>don’t.”</em></p><p>“Magnus-”</p><p>But Magnus only shakes his head, more forceful this time, “I don’t want you to say all of this to me, and give me hope for what I want but know I won’t get. I’ve accepted that you need to choose your family, Alec. I… I understand. But it’s not fair to me, to still make me hope that you <em>won’t. </em>”</p><p>Alec can’t take any more of this. He stands, reaching out to take Magnus’ hand and pulling him up too, until they are both standing enveloped in each other’s arms and Alec’s hand on Magnus’ chin refuses to let him look away.</p><p>“This isn’t a spur of the moment decision.” He tells him slowly, pronouncing each word carefully and watching them sink into Magnus through all of his determination not to believe it, “If I’m honest with myself, I made this decision yesterday, really. Since we went to the library and the Love Lock and I saw that you’d removed ours. Magnus… I realized that I can’t live in a world where you aren’t a part of my life. I don’t <em>want </em>to live in that world.” </p><p>The thought of it now, with the knowledge of their Soulmate bonds existence, is abhorrent to Alec. He can’t even comprehend the thought of leaving, and he had no idea how he’d ever managed to convince himself that he would be able to. Magnus’s eyes widen, but there is still a small hint of doubt.</p><p>“This has been the best day of my life. Probably second only to the day I met you.” Alec confesses. </p><p>“You… you really mean that.” He whispers, and his voice is bewildered, “Alexander- your parents-”</p><p>“I don’t care.” Alec insists, and it is so freeing to say it, and realize that he <em>means it, </em>“I don’t care. I’ll deal with them. As long as I have you, Magnus. You’re all I need.”</p><p>Magnus lips part on a soft gasp as Alec holds his gaze. </p><p>"I'm not going anywhere." Alec says. Magnus crashes into him, throwing his arms around him, and Alec allows himself to be pushed back onto the couch as he is kissed senselessly.</p><p>"You mean it." Magnus says, and the disbelieving burst of laughter that escapes him is just a bit hysteric, "You mean it?"</p><p>"I love you." Is Alec's response, "God, Magnus. I fucking love you." </p><p>Magnus palm cradles his face, staring at him through glassy eyes, "I love you, too."</p><p>Perhaps they can stay in the city just a little bit longer, Alec thinks, as Magnus steals away his answering grin with another kiss.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0015"><h2>15. Fifteen</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Several hours later, two tables-full of familiar faces look up at them as they enter Taki’s. Alec squeezes Magnus’ hand in his, aware of the numerous eyes that fall to them and the murmurs that erupt around them. Alec, for the first time in his life, doesn’t mind them. The only opinions that matter to him are the ones of the people he is walking towards, and he knows that Magnus shares this same sentiment.</p>
<p>Catarina, Raphael, Izzy, Simon, Jace and Clary all peer up at them, having dutifully gathered here per Alec and Magnus’ texts with the request for them to do so. He has no doubt that everyone already knows what he’s about to say, but he still feels the bubbling of excitement bursting through his chest as he says, “We have something to say.”</p>
<p>“You’re Soulmates.” Raphael says.</p>
<p>Simon gapes at him, and it is only then that Alec notices with a spark of distant satisfaction the way Izzy is seated next to him, her hand in his, “I thought we were gonna wait!”</p>
<p>“I got impatient.” Raphael shrugs, ignoring the complaints from the rest of the group as he turns to narrow his eyes at Magnus and Alec, “So? Is it true? <em>Are </em>you?”</p>
<p>Alec looks down to find Magnus looking at him. Magnus’ eyes are bright as he raises an inquisitive brow, a silent confirmation that Alec loves him all the more for, even if it is unnecessary.</p>
<p>“Yes.” He says, and the words tumble out of him with surprising ease, “Yes, we’re Soulmates.”</p>
<p>Clary, from where she has been perched on Jace’s lap, jumps up and runs over to them. She pulls them both into a tight hug that Alec instinctively tenses for, and then allows himself to settle into until he finds that he is actually enjoying it.</p>
<p>“I’m so happy for you both!” She gushes.</p>
<p>“Well all are.” Izzy beams. Simon wipes at a fake tear and holds his hands over his heart, and Jace joins his own Soulmate next to Alec and Magnus.</p>
<p>“I’m happy for you.” He says, “For both of you.”</p>
<p>They have all barely resettled into their seats before demands are being made for a detailed description of everything they got up to in the city, with Izzy and Clary making plans for a trip involving all of them sometime in the near future.</p>
<p>Alec allows himself to enjoy the company, and he knows that eventually this little moment will end and he will have to go back home to face his parents. But that all seems so easy now- so much simpler than he’d ever made it out to be. He loves Magnus, and Magnus loves him, and he will be with him for as long as time permits. The relevance of his parent’s opinion in that matter is now nonexistent, and Alec is ready to let himself <em>exist </em>without the weight of his parent’s many plans for his life bearing down on him.</p>
<p>They had spent the time in the car ride back talking, mainly, about Magnus' plans for college and, briefly, about Alec’s <em>lack </em>of a plan now that he is sure his parent’s are either going to refuse to fund his education altogether and the realization that he no longer even wants to go along with what they have mapped out for him. It is not easy to think about. Lydia had been right about this- just as her parents have done for her, Alec’s parents have had his entire life planned from the moment he was born, and now that Alec has amassed at least some of the courage he he needs not to do whatever they want, he is left freefalling with no actual concrete plan for himself, for the first time in his life. It’s terrifying, but there is a sort of freedom in it that Alec finds himself enjoying. Where he thinks he should only be afraid of what the future has in store of him, he is relaxed in a way he does not think he has ever been before; the weight of that responsibility now off of his shoulders. </p>
<p>He bends to press a quick kiss to Magnus’ mouth, just to take advantage of the fact that he can do that now, and laughing into it when Magnus murmurs his surprise and a teasing request for a bit more of a warning next time.</p>
<p>Yes, Alec thinks, holding him close. This is the easiest decision he has ever made. </p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0016"><h2>16. June, Sophomore Year</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Alec breaks out in a grin when he sees Magnus on the park bench. This area of the park is empty, save for a couple of ducks in the pond besides them. Magnus had sent a message asking Alec to meet him here, and Alec was only too happy to escape the constant attempts at conversation by his father, who seemed to have taken a sudden and unsettling interest in Alec’s love life- as far as it concerned <em>Lydia.</em></p><p>As Alec approaches, Magnus does not look up at him from where is gazing out at the pond, and Alec realizes that something is off. He has slowed to a cautious stroll by the time he gets to the bench. Still, Magnus does not look at him.</p><p>“...Magnus?” Alec attempts. There is silence for a long moment, and then.</p><p>“How was your date?” Magnus asks. His voice is as casual as if he were asking for the weather, and so it takes Alec’s brain a second to process the actual words. When he does, he stops cold. </p><p>Finally, he stupidly asks, “What date?”</p><p>Magnus’ mouth sets into a thin, aggravated line and his eyes snap up to glare at Alec, saying one word that sends a chill down Alec’s spine, “Don’t.”</p><p>It is not a tone Magnus has ever taken with him before, and Alec would do anything to have the entire direction of this conversation forgotten. As it is, Magnus only stares at him with a gaze that is just shy of pure hostility.</p><p>“You told me you were helping Jace with an assignment.” Magnus says coldly, “And instead you go traipsing around town with- who even is she?”</p><p>“Lydia Branwell. She was here visiting with her family, from London. They work at the London branch of my parent’s company.” Alec rushes to get all of his words out at once, realizing as he says it that Magnus most likely does not actually care for who Lydia is. He’s right, and when Magnus only continues sitting there, expectant, Alec resigns himself to the fact that no version of this story that he could concoct right there on the spot would suffice to diffuse Magnus’ anger. So he settles for the truth, as much as he wishes he didn't have to.</p><p>“I’m sorry.” he whispers, his shoulders deflating, “But you have to believe me, Magnus- there’s nothing between Lydia and I. I <em>swear.</em> She’s just a family friend and I had to show her around-”</p><p>“I might have believed that,” Magnus cuts him off, “If you hadn’t lied to me about it. But you <em>did </em>, which means that there clearly fucking is something between the two of you, Alec.”</p><p>“Not because I wanted there to be!” Alec tries to defend himself, “My dad was the one who insisted and I- I didn’t know how to tell you.”</p><p>Magnus’s hands fly up as he snaps, “How about <em>‘hey, Magnus! I’m spending the day with a family friend.’ </em>Did you ever consider that?”</p><p>Alec opens his mouth to respond and falters, sinking back into his seat.</p><p>Magnus laughs humorlessly, “Of course you didn’t. Alec- does anyone, besides me, even know that your gay?”</p><p>Alec doesn’t want to tense at the word, and he really does try not to. But it happens anyway. A small, imperceptible flinch that Magnus, of course, ever in tune with every little thing about Alec, notices immediately.</p><p>“They don’t, do they?” </p><p>“Don’t do this.” Alec pleads. His throat feels tight all of a sudden, everything seeming to close in on him, “You knew-”</p><p>“I <em>knew,"</em> Magnus says savegly, “That you were in the closet. I knew that you didn’t want to come out to your parents, at least not right now. And I was fine with that, because <em>I knew </em>that I was falling in love with someone I felt I could trust to be honest with me despite all of it. Except I was wrong, wasn’t I?”</p><p>Alec shakes his head, adamant, “I <em>am </em>honest with you- Magnus-”</p><p>“You’re <em>not. </em>” Magnus insists. Alec hears the slight crack in his voice that Magnus quickly glances away for. When Magnus looks back up at him, Alec blinks away the moisture that has begun to gather in his eyes. He wants to ask how Magnus had even found out about Lydia -Alec had been so careful to go to only places he knew Magnus didn’t frequent- but he knows that this will do nothing to help his case. Magnus is right, of course. Alec had lied. And now, in the face of that lie, Alec doesn’t even know why he had done it. It would have been easier, surely, to just tell Magnus the truth. They might have even had a good laugh about it: Alec’s clueless father trying to set him up with a girl.</p><p>Magnus is the one that answers his own unspoken question for him, “You’re not even honest with yourself.”</p><p>Alec stands rooted to the spot, feeling as though the ground has been swept right out from under him. His heart hammers in his chest, constricting tightly to the point that he feels it is hard to even breathe.</p><p>“I won’t do this, Alec.” Magnus says, and he sounds almost regretful about the statement, “I won’t be your… dirty little secret. You don’t get to have <em>that </em>life, with the wife and the two kids and the white picket fence that you’ve convinced yourself you can live with, to run back to when you’re done feeling guilty for messing around with me.”</p><p>Horrified, Alec takes a step towards him, "That's not what you are!"</p><p>"Not yet!" Magnus counters, "And I really don't want to stick around for when it does."</p><p>Alec swallows thickly around the lump in his throat.</p><p>“What are you saying?” He asks brokenly, "Do you- do you not want to see me anymore?"</p><p>Something flashes in Magnus’ eyes -whether it be anger or pain, Alec isn’t sure. It is gone as fast as it had come, and now Magnus looks at him with nothing, carefully schooling his expression to  be devoid of emotion.</p><p>“Of course I want to be with you.” He says simply, “And you want to be with me, too. But that’s not enough. It never has been, and it never will be, and it’s better for us both if we just accept that now.”</p><p>Alec does not reply, because he doesn’t think he has anything really to contribute. What could he possibly say?</p><p>Magnus steps closer, reaching up tentatively to cradle Alec’s face gently in one hand, the other coming up to rub absentminded circles around his wrist. The faintest glimmer of a thought -something Alec has not dared even hope for before this moment- comes to mind. Alec whispers a silent wish up to the universe, and he hopes against all hope that someone out there hears him. He does not think that it will happen, and when Alec raises his gaze to look- sure enough, there’s nothing there.</p><p><em>Of course. It’s not possible </em>, he tells himself. </p><p>A life with Magnus won’t ever be possible. Not for him. </p><p>Magnus presses their foreheads together and Alec inhales a staggering breath. He won’t cry. Not in the middle of a public park. No matter how much this hurts. </p><p>“I love you, Alec.” Magnus whispers. His thumb brushes against Alec’s cheekbone, and Alec reaches up to grip the front of Magnus’ shirt in a desperate attempt to keep him close.</p><p>
  <em>I don’t want to let you go.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love you, too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>Please, stay with me.</em>
</p><p>“Kiss me.” Alec says. </p><p>Magnus does not hesitate before he is moving, pressing their lips together in a slow kiss that is everything Alec has always wanted, yet he hates it as much as he loves it. Because this kiss, their first kiss, should have meant the beginning of something, rather than the end.</p><p>
  <em>I love you, too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love you, too.</em>
</p><p>
  <em>I love you, too.</em>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Whew. Okay. So how was that. I debated that particular ending for a while but it felt right, so here we are haha.<br/>I hope you enjoyed reading!<br/>Leaving kudos and comments means that I will love you forever. <br/>And I'm @nerdesqque on twitter, if you wanna stop by :)</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
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